So what's normal?

I miss normal. I don't really know what normal is, but I know I miss it. Everyone's lives right now are off and muted. It's close to Easter and I wish they would just cancel it. Governor Cuomo says Covid-19 will peak in about a week around here, but that doesn't mean normal will magically reappear the next day. This could easily drag on until the fall. Hot spots appearing here or there with the accompanying lockdowns or shelter in place as it's popularly called now.
     The girls seem oblivious to everything going on, or maybe they are hiding it well. I know they are lax about washing their hands when they come home and when asked if they are using masks or gloves, we are told they (Elena) are washing their hands often. Nasta comments a little about all the changes that have gone on at the grocery store, social distancing and all. Another one of those popular phrases. I hope by fall I will have forgotten ever saying it. I went to the ShopRite grocery store in New City yesterday for the first time since I went to Costco and they have blue tape all over the floor with arrows showing which way to travel down isles so traffic goes only one way. There are very few registers open and each has a large piece of plexiglass 30" square between the cashier and the customer. It's all very dystopian* and a bit scary. I've saved that phrase for just this point in my piece. The world and specifically what we are going through reminds me of many science fiction films I've seen over the years. I keep waiting for the dead to start walking among us or Terry Gilliam, the director of the film Brazil** to yell 'cut'. I went to Home Depot today. I park in the parking lot and it is full of cars like it's a normal Saturday in the spring. I get out intending to buy a rake. I notice a family of four standing off to the right of me about twenty safe yards away. It's a nice family outing to the  local Home Depot, family outing, Home Depot, weird, but cute. That is until you notice all of them are wearing surgical masks. I shake my head wondering what color will be fashionable next year. Curse the thought. I head into Home Depot. I've noticed when I'm out I don't make any eye contact and keep my face away from others. I also keep as far away from other people as possible and I hold most in contempt. On that last thought, I'm trying to figure out why now more than normal. I walk to the first set of doors and a couple of dip-shits are fussing with something, a cart, I guess, I'm not looking there way, but they are blocking the door. So there is a little back up there and of course I barrel onward. A scruffy individual coming out seems to want to come my way, but I give no ground and he changes course going to his left. I pass the dip-shits and get through the first set of doors. I approach the inside set only to be asked to go into another set of doors on the other corner of the building because this is exit only. I spin around without complaint or comment. Only my actions declare my acquiesce (to comply without protest, I looked it up to be sure how to spell it). I go in the correct door, the store seems dark and too many people have masks on for me to be comfortable. I view a Costco length line to the registers and decide I don't need a rake that badly and I head for the exit. As I pass back into the overcast of the day I feel as if I've again stepped off the stage of a movie. I shake my head as a voice behind me echos, "have a nice day" A memory of watching Total Recall, the good one, if dated film with Arnold in it. Just like in that dystopian film people are acting like it's all normal. Masks and gloves have become the new fashion statement, health care workers be damned. But hey I wore gloves to the grocery store the day before. So I shouldn't talk.
     Now our darling daughters get to sleep in most morning. Nasia has an online class from RCC. I occasionally see her working on projects for it. Last night she put in a few good hours on it. She worked on it first with her mother. She had asked me to help, but I was dealing with stuff I bought home for work. It seems Top Chef Meals/ The Crystal Spoon has gotten about one hundred new customers from insurance companies because all the adult day care centers are closed and I needed to get them set up as soon as possible. So Nastia and Teri who have fights over just about everything these days. It's just your typical mother- daughter stuff. They did mostly manage to work quietly together. Then Nastia went to work on some other questions. Occasionally she'd let a couple of curses fly. After the tirade I let fly about someone who is bothering us about a bill we paid and the money going somewhere else and the bank is researching it, I didn't say much.
     I got in Elena's car to move it earlier in the day. She had it smelling of perfume. Now the only reason she might do that is..... Well I sat in the car inhaling deeply to see if I was correct. A slight smell of pot/weed/grass filled the air. You had to think about it to really know it was there, but it was.
      Before she went to work she offered to drop me off at the gas station to get my car. After a few miles, she asks me if I like the smell of her car. I wasn't going to say anything, but you know, it happens. So I tell her it smells nice , but it poorly covers up the smell of pot/weed/grass. I then as is my wont (one's customary behavior in a particular situation. I like this word) I launch into what I have declared as my dead horse speech. I told her I will continue to beat this dead horse. I know I can't stop you from smoking pot/weed/grass. I want you to be safe and careful. I need to remind you that it is still not legal and if a cop wanted to hassle you about it he could (with her attitude, no he'd never, yes that is sarcasm) I don't want her to hide it from me and I don't remember if I told her not to smoke in the house. I don't know if it all registered because she asked if she could make pot brownies again. I said yes and I won't be having any most likely. Still not sure I recovered from that last batch.



* dystopian. "Utopian" describes a society that's conceived to be perfect. Dystopian is the exact opposite — it describes an imaginary society that is as dehumanizing and as unpleasant as possible. ... famous dystopian authors include Aldous Huxley, Kurt Vonnegut, and Ray Bradbury. And a famous dystopian in his time Joe Muller.

** Brazil (1985 film) - Wikipedia

)

Brazil is a 1985 dystopian science fiction film directed by Terry Gilliam and written by Gilliam, Charles McKeown, and Tom Stoppard.

The film centres on Sam Lowry, a man trying to find a woman who appears in his dreams while he is working in a mind-numbing job and living in a small apartment, set in a dystopian world in which there is an over-reliance on poorly maintained (and rather whimsical) machines. Brazil's satire of bureaucratic, totalitarian government is reminiscent of George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four^[11][12][13] and has been called Kafkaesque^[14] and absurdist.^[13]

Box office‎: ‎$9.9 million (North America)

Budget‎: ‎$15 million

Music by‎: ‎Michael Kamen

Directed by‎: ‎Terry Gilliam

‎Cast · ‎Production · ‎Release · ‎Reception

It was Teri's birthday on Thursday.

It was Teri's birthday on Thursday. Teri hates it how I plan. Sometimes it is a disaster, other times like Thursday it works out really nice.
At the beginning of the week I stop in ShopRite to get a few items for her birthday cake. It is a recipe she gave me a year ago I didn't make. So I thought it would be a belated, but nice surprise cake. I get the ingredients and a purchase a bottle of rum. I go over to ShopRite to buy  cards. One for her birthday, the second for our anniversary. I buy one other thing and the bill is almost twenty dollars. I look at the receipt and the cards were eight and nine dollars each, And Hallmark lais off my mother a dozen years ago charging that kind of money for a piece of paper. So of course when it is time for presents, I forget about the card in my door of my car. 
My mom has offered to make the cake. Lately I've been burning or ruining everything I cook, so I took her up on it. Everything is falling into place nicely.
Sometime last week or earlier this week Teri says she is in the mood for Paella. With the COVID-19 virus restaurants are only doing take out. So I get this marvelous idea to buy paella from the restaurant call Sangria's that she loves. I stop into the restaurant the day before and ask them about Paella. They say it will feed about two people and each dish is $25,00 plus tax. I order two, but the next morning Teri's training kicks in and I order a third one. It is better to have too much then not enough. I was afraid people would stop eating if it looked like there wasn't enough. It didn't happen. We didn't even

open the third.
During the day I get texts of offers of help from the girls. Elena is chosen to pick up her Aunt from work, so she will be here on time. Nastia offers to come with me to pick up the food. I pull up to the house and Nastia gets in. We get to my mom's to get the cake first. Nastia is told to stay a good ten feet away from her grammy and no hugging. We get the cake and head for Sangria's. Nancy was told to be at the house at 6:15. Nastia and I go into the restaurant, it is empty. Several tables where people should be seated have bags of food on them. I tell them we are here to pick up our food. A few minutes after they bring the food out to us.It is about 6:25. I text Elena so she can meet us outside to help with the food. The paella is fresh off the heat and the bottoms of the bag of food are so hot it burns our hand as we place it in the trunk. I think if I don't hurry Nastia will drop the food because it is so hot. She is a trooper and deals with the heat putting the food in the trunk.  NY State has relaxed alcohol purchasing for restaurants so I was also able to buy a quart of sangria. I almost bought two quarts. Elena and Nancy are outside and pitch in to bring the food inside. The

Elena's gift to her Mom

aroma of paella fills the dining room. Teri doesn't know what is for dinner she smells the aroma and tells us how good it smells. It is going to be a good meal. Two trays are put on the table and the third is put in the oven on a low temperature to keep warm. It becomes quickly apparent that we will not need the third one. Everyone fills there dishes before the food gets cold. There is chicken, shrimp, mussels, clams and a mound of rice. Nastia digs into the mussels with Teri and Nancy. I take several spoonfuls of rice with chicken and shrimp. It becomes quickly apparent that Elena is not enjoying the food. I warm up a leftover steak for her. It is very thick (those COSTCO steaks) that the middle is cold. She doesn't care and eats it. The sangria doesn't go as quickly as I thought it would. Nancy has a glass, Nastia a taste and maybe Elena did too. I stayed with beer and Teri only had two glasses. I guess stories of her eating chips off the table after drinking Sangria on an empty stomach several years ago put a damper on her drinking. With all this COVID-19 going around what else is there to do. We bring out the cake and I forget to turn on the camera and there is only a ten second video of it. Then presents are opened and thoughts of Dairy Queen ice cream are never bought up. The night ends early when Elena brings Nancy home. Clear up is quick with most dishes going in the dishwasher. Food tins going into the recycle bins. It was a nice night and Teri thanked me several times that night. It was fun.





















          




















/

COVID-19 week maybe two of....? oh and it's a Friday.

As the title says it is Friday. and it is early in the COVID-19 virus whatever, pandemic,COVID flu cycle. Call it what you want just don't Trump it and call it the Chinese virus, you remember that thing he ignored for months.
Give me one moment while I step down off my soap box. At  moments like these I realize how high it can get.
Again as I started it is Friday March 27th. I went to work Teri worked from home and the girls slept in until they got up and went to work. Teri is working from the attic and I will try to make it a nicer place to work from this weekend. Nastia worked from about 3 until 8. Elena worked from sometime in the afternoon until 8, but she didn't get home until about 9. When asked, she came up with this cock and bull story about her thinking she was working until nine, but she then says she left work at 8 and driving home a friend. That is code for Dakota. After getting home late and answering enough of Teri's questions she heads upstairs ignoring the last and maybe the most telling question. What it was I forget it was so important. It must of been so important because I went upstairs to ask Elena to come down and answer it. That was when I smelled the pot/weed. It was slight, but I was pissed. I ask her again to come down stairs. I'd been drinking raspberry vodka and lemonade and when I do I get a little mean and my short temper gets shorter. I manage to say nothing until my temper was better controlled. Elena double talks, slides around and out right ignores questions that want to probe into why she was an hour late and caused me to write this column instead of the one about Teri's birthday yesterday.
Several hours later I can only guess what went on earlier. She has been told during COVID-19 to not drive people home. She must feel sorry for Dakota and can't say no to her when she asks for a ride (when will one of them get a friend who drives?!! AND has a car!!) Dakota lit up a joint, you know a bone, a....oh Jesus I've run out of them already. I used to know a thousand names for what people called it when you smoke grass/pot/weed. That name is getting too long. I don't think she smoked and Teri handled it that way. I tried to be a peaceful voice when my inner voice wasn't yelling liar, what really happened! I'm glad no one could hear that voice tonight except me. I don't think she lied. And I write that with a light unsure touch of the keyboard. I'd really like to believe her. She did come forward with the pot/weed/grass for the brownies, but we've been on her case since then and maybe she is closing the book so we don't know what is happening. She's good at that. If she doesn't want you to know usually you won't. I'm sure I'll be writing about this can of worms again. It ain't going away. 

Joe's great adventure

Today Saturday March 21, 2020
       Usually I don't go to Costco and I never go to Costco on Saturday. Today I needed to get gas and Teri thought it would be a good idea if I went into Costco to get a few things we needed. I like to get Costco gas early before the lines form. I got to Costco about quarter after 9, a little late. The gas pumps still had little to no line. Then a dark spot running across the store caught my eye. There was a

Near the end of the line.

line to get into Costco. I thought, never, never will I get on that line and become part of the masses and remember you can't spell masses without asses. While I'm pumping my $1.89 a gallon gas which had in January been $2.69 (Oil war between Saudi Arabia and Russia and also to drive the shale oil people in Texas out of business) I start to think that if I didn't stand on that line sometime a couple of weeks down the road when we run out of something on my list I will regret it. So I cruze past the front of the store. I get an idea of how bad it really is. There is a guy on top of some pallets talking through a loudspeaker and I turn down my radio, but miss it. I park somewhere between the end of the line and the front of the store and get on the line. The end of the line is near the loading docks almost halfway around the building, but with social distancing the line moves quickly and I am inside the store in about half an hour. During that time I get to look at (down?) on what humanity is/ has become. I see people wearing face masks and I think that it is real stupid. Supposedly they don't stop you from getting the virus and if they do, isn't it more important for health professionals to have them with the shortages of them? Once inside I power walk, I'm sorry I've become one of them to the back of the store to get paper

Just before you get in

towels. There is no toilet paper according to the sign outside but that is ok, I didn't need it. Funny if they'd had it in stock, I'd of bought it. I guess I must now look down on myself because I have confirmed I am not better then those people who waited on the same line I just finished waiting on. I begin to slow down and to look for items that are on my list. Being a typical man I purchase a few items not on the list (above right to celebrate our house mortgage closing) and now I have become even worse, I am now typical, even worse I am a typical man. How low I've sunk since I waited on that line. I get on 'the line'. If you know Costco there is no line there are the lines sort of in the space between the registers and the row of good running across the front of the store. 'The Line' ends somewhere in the back of the store near the meat section and before you can get on it, it starts to snake back toward the front of the store. I get on it and like everything today it is long, but it moves. When I am next in line the person apologises for the wait. I honestly tell her it went smoothly today or words to that effect. The disaster it could of been and wasn't is the big take away. Costco in Rockland did it really good. I out and done in 45 minutes. Total trip an hour and fifteen minutes. Half hour online, outside, half an hour to shop and about fifteen minutes to check out and get to my car. Not bad at all.

A blast from the past?!

It's Friday and I don't know if I wrote it down, but a few days ago as Nastia came home from hanging out at the empty mall (maybe the safest place to be now?) Teri and I told her and Elena, who'd come home earlier and we told her then, that there was to be no more hanging out with friends until the Covid-19 is over. They could go to work and come home. I really don't want them going to work and being around all of those people who may or may not have the virus. Covid-19 for all you future people who are reading this now and don't know about Covid-19, it just like a winter cold, except it is ten times more dangerous. Some people will get it and the symptoms will be mild, other will get it and get real sick, maybe die. What makes this so scary is there is no shot for it and if life went on like normal the healthcare system would be overwhelmed and more people would die. Look it up along with the Spanish Flu of 1918-19.
It's been three days about since Teri started working from home and RCC has closed. There is talk, loose talk that things might not get back to normal for a long while. From what I've heard it should peak in the first week of May about five, six weeks from now. The weather is not really good to be outside. It is the first day of Spring and the winter was mild. The last few weeks temperatures have been in the forties and fifties, but even if the girls could go outside, where would they go? The parks are supposed to be closed, though people still walk around  Conger's Lake. So they stay inside. Nastia got an extra shift earlier in the week and Elena still goes to ShopRite five times a week and works about thirty hours.
Elena's therapist's office was closed for a cleaning last week and this week he wanted to do a remote session, but Elena refused to do one. I hope she doesn't try to drop therapy again. There are still a lot of demons running around in her head that she has left out of therapy.
Nastia told me one day recently that she needed a boyfriend, it surprised me. I thought that any day now she'd say that Taj and her were officially dating. She then went on to say that failing to find a boyfriend, maybe she could just find someone to hook up with. I remember being that age and understand.
Now the part of the story I wasn't sure I'd put in. It is a little bit illegal and I think a lot of people might disapprove. But since I only have two people who read this on a regular basis (Hi, Elene, Hi Ruth) how many people can I disappoint.
Drugs are a fact and along with a bunch of other things that exist out there we both accept the fact that our girls can and will get a hold of these thing even if we don't want them to. So when the girls decided they wanted to make pot brownies we said get the pot and we'll make them here. One night Elena brings a small bag of it home. A real small bag. It had two, maybe three small greasy looking buds in it. I asked Elena to bring it over and I took a good long inhale of it. I remembered the smell. A couple of nights later Nastia wanted to make the brownies. I asked her if she had any brownie mix? She looked around the house and then called her sister who was still at work to buy some brownie mix. Around nine or so we get together to make pot brownies, or as this generation calls it weed brownies. I take the heads out of the small bags and begin to shred them, taking out any twigs and search for any seeds. I want to plant them. I found three hard lumps that I doubt were seeds, but I put them aside any way. The shredded pot/weed I mix the whole amount into it figuring this way no one will smoke the remains, plus who wants weak pot/weed brownies. Nasti adds the eggs, oil and something else. Elena mixes, I pour it into a 13x 9 which appears to be too big. The brownies cook and when they come out they don't look or smell any different. I like brownies, so I take a large piece. It's around 10 or so. I don't feel it until I'm in the shower about 11:30. I start getting light headed and my feet seem to be a long distance away. I ignore it, get dressed and go to bed. About 1:03 or so I wake up. The world is spinning, my mind is racing and I need to sit up on the edge of the bed. I've never felt this way and it is not a pleasant feeling. I feel paranoia creeping into my head and I push that away. As my mind races it feel I've been sitting on the edge of the bed for twenty minutes. It has been two. I begin to wonder if the pot/weed was laced with something else because I don't remember pot/weed being like this. I head down to the basement bathroom to try and throw up and not wake Teri up. If I were to wake her up she'd get all nervous and we'd end up in Nyack's Emergency Room, with all the Doctors laughing at the old man who tried pot/weed again and couldn't handle it. The trip to the basement is long and dangerous feeling I hold on with both hands going down the two flights of stairs and when I get to the bathroom I try twice to throw up, but it has all been digested and I'll just have to ride it out. I sit down on the bed and look at the clock. It is now twenty to two. I  decide I'll just have to lay down and hope for sleep. Surprisingly it happens quickly. I wake up around six and still feel like my feet are a long distance away. I can get around and after a little debate I decide that if I can drive safely to West Nyack, I'll go to work. At work I am quiet and trying to concentrate on work. I am sleepy and I can't concentrate. I leave work a little after five. I don't think I was a 100% over the pot/weed until sometime last night and even not I wonder sometimes. It was a long strange trip Jim Morrison.
Elena being cool said it was like when she smoked some (what?????!!!!!!!) and she said that when Nastia said she didn't feel it, it was because she slept through it.
I think I'm done with eatables.












/

It's getting weird out there!

It's Saturday, March 14th 2020. It's a dozen days to Teri's birthday and about seventeen days until our twenty-fifth anniversary. Nastia turned twenty-one on December 3rd 2019 and Elena will turn twenty on August 10, 2020. It is starting to feel like the end of the world is coming. The last thing that needs to happen to assure the end of the world is Teri to find a job she is happy working in.
   The new buzz words are social distancing and Covid-19. It used to be when someone said "Hey come over I've got a case of Corona, it meant beer, now it's pandemic.
    The Girls seem oblivious to it or maybe they are just putting up a good game face. Last night Nastia went out with her not official boyfriend Taj and another couple to 'hang out at the mall'.
     Taj is not officially her boyfriend because when she broke up with David she cried. Then a week or so later she is hanging out with Taj and a big deal was make about it. I think she was, lets just say absence didn't make the heart grow fonder between the two of them. So she must have in her heart ended it with David except for a quick cry when the end of the relationship became official. She had said she'd felt a distance growing between them over the last few weeks or so.
     So Nastia and her unofficial boyfriend hung out at the mall. I told her not to be late and she was dumb enough to say what time do you want me home. Or maybe I was dumb for saying that in the first place. Anyway she was told to be home at 10 PM. I really didn't want her to go out with all the corona cases. Rockland has a cluster up in Monsey (why does it alway seem to start there). I will eventually start telling them to stay home, but it's still a little too early for that.
     Elena was at work and she was in a very crowded store. Everyone is freaking out over the Covid-19 and buying up everything they can get there hands on it seems. Disinfectants, gloves, masks and for some reason toilet paper. My wife and I have been laughing about stores running out of toilet paper. That was until Teri said, "I hate to tell you this, but we need toilet paper." That's when as they say the S@(t hit the fan. With no paper where else would it go. So on Friday morning I headed toward B.J.'s. Teri had said Costco was out so B.J.'s seemed like the best bet. I get there just as they open. There is about two or so dozen people with determined looks on their faces push shopping carts. I with an equally determined look minus a shopping cart, I didn't want to waste the time slowly merge into a line to fit through the single door. I spy a bunch of shopping carts near the interior entrance and quickly grab one. I move swiftly toward the center of the store my long legs move me forward quickly. That is until a short plump lady pulls out in front of me. Oh how shopping imitates driving. I squeeze past her and head up the center of the store following the flow of other shoppers, my eyes peeled for any sign of toilet paper. A man comes out of a side isle and says to all near him, "it's down this isle." I vere sharply left and I find myself in automotive and I think I have been deliberately mislead. I come out the end of the isle and on my right up a short ways in the corner, up against the outer wall is a rapidly disappearing pallet of toilet paper. I move in for the kill, I maneuver in slowly trying to let someone who has picked up her paper tp leave, but she doesn't seem to want to leave. Maybe she feel safe among all that toilet paper. Then she must have remembered social distancing and gets the hell out of there. I slide on in and grab one. I see a second next to it that just seems like it needs me to take it, so I do. I glide back toward the front of the store walking like I usually do. I walk like I'm five minutes late for an important appointment. I feel weird because  I am not used to being part of those silly masses that I used to always laugh at. I guess the world is really coming to an end.
   
I pay for my prizes. I don't know if I over paid. The only thing I know is we have paper. And even if it is a brand Teri doesn't like there will be peace and people will be able to relax and well crap with the comfort that there is paper, even if it is the wrong brand,
Sunday morning: Last night we went to the movies at the Palisades Center. We saw "Second Chance" with Ben Affleck. We ate at the food court and the place was empty. Every time I reached out to open a door or touch a public space I had a moment of hesitation. I opened the door going into the mall trying to cover my hand while I opened it. I failed and touched the handle. While eating dinner I didn't use that hand until I washed it with soap and water. The mall was empty. It was very easy to practice 'social distancing'. The reason we went out even with the virus is the number of cases is still relatively small. 175 in Westchester where that lawyer  infected

 New Rochelle.And there were 19 in Rockland as of last count. It will most likely go up and if things go to worst case scenario, we could be asked to stay home. Right now Nastia's school is closing a few days early this week for Easter and I don't know if they are reopening on time. Teri is starting this week to work from home, so we'll wait and see.
       Wednesday March 17, 2020 It's St. Patty's Day and all the parades have been cancelled. All the bars are closed. Restaurants can only do take out and the movies after trying to reduce seating capacity to 50% have given up and are now closed. The Crystal Spoon home delivered meals service is booming. I thought my little piece of paradise, the insurance side of the business would slow because old sick people are the most at risk and care coordinators wouldn't want to infect people, but it seems to continue to growing along. Elena is still working ShopRite and Nastia told Stop and Shop she is available during the week. And while I'm at work I am washing my hands every two hours just to be safe. I hope we can all look back on this and be pleased we all made it through safely.















/

Tell me what's goin on*

* Marvin Gaye song line, a good song

It's Saturday morning and Teri and I are up early. She is setting up the Ring doorbell camera. She wanted to get it,. My feeling were, no one ever comes to the front door any more to visit, so why. It's not like it's the sixties and your mom is coming over to visit my mom and sip tea and eat cookies one of them baked. And kids never come over and knock on the door asking if such and such is home. If it wasn't for the mailman (women?) I'd never shovel the front steps after a snowstorm and no one would care. It's a cool new toy she wanted and if she wants it, she can have it. She is after all the one who brings the most bacon home, by far.
      The girls are upstairs sleeping still. Elena has to get up soon to bring her car to PC Richards to get a new stereo installed. I talked about that a little while ago. Nastia has work at Stop and Shop today. Her internship at RCC is two or three days a week and it seems this year she is not busy at all. It makes you wonder if she is taking enough classes. She will come up short in credits to graduate this year from RCC because of a change in her major.
Later today: Elena followed me to PC Richards. When we got there the installer said the wrong part had been ordered and there was nothing he could do. I told him I wanted management to reach out to me because I was not really happy with the way this has been handled. Elena and I ordered the stereo and the installation kit back in January, I talked about it. and here it is March and still no stereo. I pretty much think no one from PC Richard will call me. If that happens I'm going above them, which I should do anyway. It's been a total screw up.

The Animals are taking over.

Several months ago Elena lost her cat. She didn't lose it like when you park your car at the mall and can't find it. I'm using lost as a euphemism for dying. He was young and the runt of the litter. We don't know what happened to him, all we know is it was sudden.
      In my search for a reason for his death, I promised myself that I would make space for another
 animal in our house. So a few weeks ago Teri sees a facebook post or a twitter thingie whatever it was she said there were three cats in need of adoption. I asked if Elena was ready to have another cat, I was told yes so we went. Teri and Elena met Nastia and I at a cat care clinic in South Nyack on South Broadway. South Nyack has always been a really nice area I've always liked. We park and walk in. It has become part of adopting animals that you go through an interview before you are allowed to take them home. I find it a little off putting, but I do see the need for it. Teri is asked if we have other animals, what is our vets name. Then the vet says she is not one of those intrusive types that want to see the home before giving the animals up. We should have said we knew Jerry from Central Nyack. But after his son went to jail, I don't know if that would have been a good thing. The cats are in a cage in the small waiting room. Teri asks if they can see them and each gets to pick the one they want to take home. Teri looks at me and says several times she has never had an orange kitten before, she will call it applecene (Russian for orange). She has said this for years and I was tempted for only an instant because I told Teri we should let Nastia have a cat before she gets older and moves out (realistically I'm thinking she'll be with us until she's thirty-eight. Elena on the other hand will move out in her twenties and return when she finds out just how expensive it is to be on her own.) I couldn't deal with a house full of three kittens and three dogs,

especially when one of the dogs, Misha, wants to eat the little darlings. Elena and Nastia pick out the cats they want and of course the orange cat is left there. Teri feeling bad for him losing his brothers calls her sister Nancy and asks her to adopt the third cat, oh brother. So now we have two grey cats named Notsu and Milo. Whenever I hear the names I think, if not sue, then who? And Milo reminds me of a character from one of my favorite movies and I'm going a bit of a way back, Catch 22.
Athena, one of our dogs still reminds me of  The Who song and Misha, the shepherd who wants to eat the kittens reminds me of a Russian bear, because all the bears in Russian fairy tales are named Misha. Do all bears want to eat animals in these Russian fairy tales? Oh and Bandi has made his name mean grouchy old man. So life goes on at the funny farm animal rescue. Of course a few days later Teri sees two dogs that need rescuing and if we didn't have so many I'd have possibly gone and done it. Where has my sense of proportion and life balance gone? We need to sell one of our kids to wandering gypsies to make space for some more animals in need. 

Things have changed again...forever.

We had dinner together Wednesday night. It was planned in advance. I gots some steaks out. Nastia had shrimp, while Teri, Elena and I had steaks . Dinner was going well when out of the blue Teri asks Nastia what the mark on her neck was. I didn't see it and have never seen it. Nastia says it a hickey, Taj gave it to her. The mood at the table quickly darkens. Teri is angry because Nastia just a few days ago was crying a river of tears about the end of her relationship with David, now she is with Taj. I'm angry because Nastia didn't tell me what was going on. I thought we had a very open relationship where we could talk about anything. I've really worked at it by answering any questions she has asked. Even one where I don't come off too well.
       Dinner ends and clean up is quiet. Nastia goes upstairs with Elena and Teri and I are left down stairs. Now here is where a difference of opinion comes in. I hear Teri say she is washing her hands of Nastia and doesn't care what she does for now on. Then She has some other choice words about her daughter.
       The next day I ruminate* about the previous night's event and come to the conclusion Nastia is just someone who needs to have the attention of a man (boy in Taj's direction) to be happy. So I think I have made peace with something I felt was a betrayal by Nastia. Teri said that sounded too sexual, like a lover is betrayed. I've gone through too many years of therapy to play around with how I feel. So quietly I felt betrayed that she did not let me in on her relationship with Taj.
      When Teri gets home I ask her to sit down in the kitchen because I want to talk about Nastia. I tell her I really don't want to have this conversation, but here goes...
I don't remember much of what was said. I do remember that I was yelling at the top of my lungs (Nastia was at work, Elena was upstairs) I felt Teri washing her hands of Nastia after we made such an effort ten years ago to bring them here was extreme, (my interpretation of my yelling, not the actual conversation) That to give up on her even if she doesn't listen is not right. Teri said stuff too and I can't remember what it was. The whole thing last fifteen, maybe twenty minutes and solved nothing. The divisions and hurt were just papered over.
       The next day Teri says she has talked to Nastia and she made a joke saying it was a hickey, it wasn't real. It was a bruise she got horsing around. I felt at that point my whole argument defending Nastia was, hey, it didn't happen, nothing to see here, never mind, it's not real. I didn't believe her and I felt even angrier with her then before. I'd just reluctantly fought a very nasty battle with my wife and now I'm being told never mind, it was a joke. I was apocalyptic (another great word) I was so angry with her that I turned the front light off and locked the door so she would have to walk to the front door after work in the dark. ( I always tried to make sure the house looked welcoming and warm by unlocking the door and leaving the light on for the two of them)
At night I'd go into their room and say good night a final time and turn the light off, I stopped that too. In the morning I'd check to make sure they were up at the time they needed to be, I stopped that.
      After two days of this Teri tells me Nastia asked her if I was angry with her. Teri reminds me I was the one who was afraid of barriers being put up between parent and child.
So I decide to try and let it all go. In the afternoon she is home brushing her hair after a shower I walk by the open door and give a slightly choked hello, she replies and life starts to return to normal, well not completely. I'm turning the light on for them when they are coming home after work when it is dark, but I haven't been able to go to their room and say good night and turn off the light or wake them up in the morning. Things are different. When Nastia says she is going out with friends or a friend, I want names and where she is going and what time she will be home. Maybe it is nothing, maybe it isn't. I don't know, I just know it's different.   



* think deeply about something. (yeah, go figure, Sometimes I just love english)

And the band played on...

I was always amazed when my heart was broken (my father's death, breaking up with a girlfriend) how the world didn't stop and mourn with me, it just moved on.
       It was my birthday on Wednesday and no I am not suggesting the world should stop and morn. I decided that I was just going to go with the flow and have a happy birthday. There is a lot of crap going on at my job as they continue to break up my job. I just let it flow. I did get a little testie around five when Nastia and I were supposed to go bowling in our league and she was a little slow getting ready. This is where the day/night started to change. It's okay that it did, remember the world doesn't stop. During our trip, Nastia is driving, she casually remarks that she is breaking up with David.
They have been apart for most of the last year and they decided to take a break. When I say they, I mean David. So even though they are on a break, for possibly the first time Nastia is saying she is breaking up with him. She goes on to say that she doesn't feel connected to him and long distance relationships are tough. I guess in the twenty-first century, even with facetime and instant communications it's no easier.
      At the bowling alley, our team is tied for fifth place after being as low as ninth place and winning the league last year on the last two weeks of play. We had been on a hot streak until last week winning 17 of 20 points. Last week we lost all five points so this week was important. We start the game and when Nastia spends time between bowling on her phone, I don't sit with her. We win the first game. Nastia has recently been bowling pretty good. Five years ago she was a 68 average bowler. Now this year she has been regularly bowling over 120 and her high game is a 168, pretty good.
   
After bowling, we won three point of five, she tells me she texted David that they should break up. I said that was the cowards way and she needs to talk to him. She tries or texts him, I don't remember and her phone dies, dead battery.
We head to dinner at the Outback. I order a tall Sam Adams, the girls order soda and tea, Teri water. Teri, Elena and I order steaks, Nastia fish. While we wait for dinner we eat a bloomin onion and the girls start to fill up on bread. Teri goes to stop them and I tell her no. Even though it is a pet peeve of mine, I'm back in the live and let live mode. Shortly after Teri and Elena arrive, they are coming from therapy, Teri like all mother's notices something is off with Nastia and asks her what when she gets no answer, she looks at me and before I can start Nastia tells Teri she has broken up with David. Over the next few minutes Teri tells me to hung Nastia after something I said (sorry, sometimes I forget what words can do.) It was something about David, not nasty, but she cries and I didn't realize it. Eventually Teri and Nastia go to the bathroom and Elena and I are left at the table.
      The table starts to become a happy place again when Elena starts to make her sister laugh. It reminds

me of when they were younger and this was what they were like. Elena was the entertainment, Nastia the audience. Sounds like a defence mechanism for the two of them. The table stays happy, I drink more beer, we finish dinner and as we leave, Elena wants me to go with her mother, so she can talk to Nastia alone. Teri would rather I went with them to the dark, empty parking lot. So I walk a good couple of dozen paces behind the two of them as Elena whispers in Nastia's ear. After that we walk together to the car. In the car Nastia shows Elena and myself something I promised not to tell anyone about. Call me and I'll whisper to you what it is. Some jokes are passed around as it was too. I then tell them what it really is used for. I don't think they believed me.
   At home Nastia is laying in our bed when Elena comes in to say good night. Nastia wants her to give her a hug good night. Elena, adverse to most things like that, except from Teri and I refuses. Teri gets pissed when she refuses again. Nastia starts to cry and Teri goes off to talk to Elena, telling her some not so nice things.
     The next day Elena goes out and buys her sister a teddy bear almost as big as her, some candy and flowers. Sometimes that kid can break your heart, both ways. 




















/

Friday morning and life goes on......beyond the Palisades (using that again are we?)

I am thinking of such witty titles these days.
Nastia started her Spring semester at Rockland Community College yesterday. She has a class at night. She is playing racquetball. I thought they got rid of the racquetball courts. Where they used to be are offices now. I still shake my head when I realize forty years have passed since I was there. Forty years after my dad fought in World War 2, I was going to RCC. I know who cares, but if you think about relativity, not Einsteins law, but Joe's law. Things take on a prospective. When he was sixty-two years old, like I'm now and he looked back forty years, he'd see World War 2. When my great, great grandfather was sixty-two and he looked back forty years, he'd see the Civil War. And the most mind blowing fact was I met his daughter, who was born during the Civil War.
         I have no idea what Nastia's schedule is for RCC. Today is Friday and she is up at 7 AM getting ready to pick up Taj, her.....want to be boyfriend?, her friend? her boy toy? a guy who got caught in the friend zone? I don't know and most likely neither does she. Dave is still being David and he saw her and they talked, when he was down recently. I guess they are still on a break when he wants to be on a break. And of course you know long distance relationships and all the difficulty talking to each other. It just sucks so much only face timing. So Nastia goes to school, does her internship  how many days a week I don't know or what days. She goes out with Taj after school or in the vernacular, they hang out somewhere. Most likely jailbreaking phones. Another expression I hate jailbreaking. Millennials, where we as annoying as they are?
      Elena, what can I say that has not been said about me as a 19 year old. She did awful in her first semester at College. She won't tell me what the grades are. So the counselors let her double up on classes for the spring semester, go figure. Do bad with fifteen credits, so let her do thirty. After a few long talks between us and her and Access VR, a counseling service, I think run by NY state she decided to drop out and go to BOCES to try automotive mechanics. It is also the spring semester and she has to wait until the fall to go, so she is going to take an introduction course to auto repair two nights a week and we are pushing her to get some more hours at Shoprite. We have also told her if she would like to just continue to work at Shoprite, full time she can. I don't know if that is a move she would regret or not. A job like that could disappear in the future. I guess almost any job could.
      Teri and I seem to be doing alright. She is still looking for another job. I enjoy my job, it just doesn't pay the bills and it has become very stressful. I really shouldn't stay there.
      Time to drop off the home loan papers.

It's January 19,2020 and it's a Sunday and I have no title for this entry

       I just got back from donating blood at St. Ann's Church in Nyack. I've got a bandage on my finger and a wrap on my arm. I've always had veins that are hard to find and this time the women, who looked like she knew what she was doing took three shots to find the vein. I don't blame her over the years it has happened more often than I like to think about.
        Last night we had our long scheduled Taco night. It was a little odd. In years past it would be billed as a celebration of winter birthdays, or something like that. I have pictures to prove it. Last night was different. Teri didn't go and it was more like just a bunch of people gathering to have tacos, maybe it is me. I have minor beefs with some people and I shouldn't. It's dumb things like pictures. I have all the family history and that means I have collected all the pictures I can get my hands on. I stole pictures from Wally, I was given pictures and papers from Uncle Tonnie. John Gorman, after his mom died sent me pictures because he wanted to be sure they were taken care of. In them I found one of the prizes of my collection my great grandfather, Leonhard Muller as a young man with a large flowing mustache on his young face. I love it.
       To me the collection of family history is two things. I am collecting and trying to preserve as much of the past and the people who have lived it as possible, so I can pass it on to the next generation. I think the family history started with Cornelia Harden. I think she or maybe her Uncle

Sidmouth Harbour, England abt 1859

Thomas when they or He went back to Sidmouth in the 1850's-60's took pictures. Somewhere hopefully only slightly misplaced in Wally's possession are the two books of tin type photos. I know most of the people in the book will be like the photos I have and will  most likely never be know. I have figured out most of the people I have photos of are just friends of Thomas Harden and not relatives.
      After Cornelia Harden's interest in the family history, I don't know yet who passed it down to my great aunt Emilie. She preserved what she had and added the Smith information to it. All the items from Charles Walter Smith who served in the Civil War. Over the last one hundred and fifty years many of his possessions have been lost. In the 1950's when New York State passed their first gun laws, his daughters handed his Civil War rifles in to the local Police. I think some grandson of a former police officer has some Civil War guns in his closet of ours.
      When my Aunt died and her collections was divided up, sort of. My mother and I got some of Charles Walter Smith's stuff. His letter from his wife with the drawing of two ironclads fighting  in a bay in South Carolina and a cardboard card file like item, you know like how they used to keep index card at the library to let you know where a book is (Yeah, I know all of you future people are saying none of those words mean anything to you).
      His mess kit, and an ingredient list of his father Richard Madison Smith's elixir of life patent medicine recipe and some other forgotten items went to Wally and he's moved twice so there whereabouts are not know at this time (they're lost) .

Leonhard Muller

       What all this is about is I don't want any more to get lost. I want the next generation to see the items I have seen. Not to read a note from a scrap of paper I found talking about a letter received by John Harden about the death of his father Henry back in England. I would treasure that, if I had it. It is long gone and even that scrap of paper I don't know where it has gone to. Wally has two needle points done in the 1850's or so detailing the births and deaths of members of the Harden family. I have pictures of them, but what happens to them after he dies. Neither of his kids have children, what then, a yard sale item later thrown in the trash by people who don't understand the value of them. I don't have to have them all, it would just be nice to know someone has a plan to pass them down to the next generation and they can then pass them down to the following generation. I have a plan to pass all the stuff I have collected down to one or two people who may show an interest in the family history. All the stuff that relates to Nastia and Elena goes to them, if they want it. All of the rest of the stuff goes to someone, I don't want to say because it might piss people off with an interest in genealogy. I really don't care who just as long as it is preserved as well as possible and cared for for the next generation.































/

And in the end, the love you take is equaI to the love you make*

*Thanks again to the Beatles.


Well the year has ended and the girls are off from school. I believe Nastia did well this semester. Her grades were good, maybe not dean's list good, but it is always a struggle for her and she always works hard for her grades. Then after that, the crusher, she is not graduating this summer. She changed her major and will be short credits. In a bit of anger it was said, "Well look who was helping her pick out her classes." A dig at the probable ex-boyfriend, David. I was a little hurt to have never been asked to help her pick out her classes. I did after all go to that school.
        Now Elena, she won't be graduating in a two year time frame either. Her reason is different then Nastia's. Elena couldn't summon the inner strength to go to class and put in a good faith effort. She let her demons have free rein and they stopped her better judgment. Her and I went out to dinner on Thursday night after picking out a new radio for her car and when I asked her about her grades she said she will do better next semester. I have a feeling she failed most if not all of her classes. I told her I wouldn't yell at her and she said she knew because it was her money (loans in her name) she wasted. I believe in her doing a complete turnabout in her grades and how she acted from last semester. I've seen her do it before. When she decides to do something she will. It is inspiring and amazing.
        When she started working at Shoprite in Pearl River they wanted to make her a cashier, She didn't pass the change making part so she became a stock person. Now to become a manager's assistant she has to know how to work as a cash register. In typical Elena fashion I didn't find out until I heard her talking about it. She is such a closed book. She was over a penny after her first day. If she decides to stay at ShopRite, she'll never become rich, but she may become comfortable. It's a good union wage paying job in a time when good paying jobs are only available to people with college degrees, even with unemployment down around three and a half percent. She could do worse.
        Elena and I went to PC Richards on Thursday night to get a stereo for her car. We looked over the

stereos and I pointed out a stereo that had a place to put your phone. It cost $149. She liked it but then she saw one for $129., then one for $99. She chose the cheapest one. Her mother would have been so proud. I on the other hand would have like to listen to the units, but I think if I would have mentioned that to her I would have been speaking a foreign language. Kids nowadays don't have stereos and don't consider sound quality much. They all want to stick ear buds in their ears and block out the world as much as possible. I can't really blame them.
       The stereo was $99. The installation kit was $89. and the labor was $55. I consider that false advertising. When Bruce at sound concepts gave me a price, it was the full installation price. It was more, but there was none of this cheap stereo price, cheap labor price, then oh hey installation kit. Putting the stereo in cost more than the stereo. They will call us when the installation kit is in.
       We then went to Nanuet Restaurant. Well what passes for it these days. I used to call up in advance and order the pizzas. They don't do that now so you have to wait for the pies and in theory you'll drink more beer. In reality it most likely works. I used to go to Nanuet Restaurant, order two pies and some beer and have money left over. Granted the old Nanuet Restaurant was losing money, but their pies, even with their reduced quality are still better than the new owners. I usually go to Nanuet Hotel to get pick up. I don't eat in because their eat in section is very unappealing. The pies are light years ahead of the Restaurant. Now onto prices. Beer prices like pizza prices have gone through the roof. I remember dollar glasses of beer at the West Nyack Inn, yeah it was almost forty years ago, but does forty years justify eight dollars a glass for beer. Pizza forty years ago was six dollars for a large pie. Now for a small pie it's about fourteen dollars. Two small pies, two bottles of some German beer, three bottles of root beer with a nice tip was almost one hundred dollars. It used to be reasonable to go out for pizza and beer. I guess this all means I'm old, I'm not getting old, I'm old, F*@$&!!!!
       When I looked over the beer list, I see a vanilla beer. I asked for a sample and it okay. When no one is looking I let Elena have a sip hoping she'd say it tastes like pee. Then I'd ask her when she's tasted pee. This beer I really thought I'd get tired of after a few sips. Elena said it wasn't bad, not like the stuff I usually drink because it tastes like pee and yes I did ask her when she's tasted pee. Her reply was, "hey dad you know us don't you" I didn't dig into that. I hope letting her taste the different drinks and different beers I drink doesn't come back and bit me. I do worry about her and alcohol. Nastia says I have nothing to worry about her and alcohol. Boys are another problem. I was told by Elena that Nastia is always flirting with boys. One day I hope it doesn't get her in trouble.
         It is ten minutes to midnight on Saturday and after all this talk about pizza and beer I'd like to go out to Nanuet Restaurant of about thirty years ago when the grumpy original owner still ran the place and only knew me when I told him my name even though I was in there once a week. The pies were an hour and a half wait on a Saturday nights and I could go to the bar and drink more then two glasses of beer without feeling like I'd get sick. I'd like to go back to that time just once more to have one of Nanuet Restaurants pies.
            I do thank God for not being able to drink more then two glasses of beer because I could have become another in a line of alcoholics in my family. I hope our girls or their children don't join that line .




















/

New Years eve and we meet the boyfriend

Well I worked today and Teri and the girls took care of a few things.
Last night Monday the 29th of December 2019 we lost Leo the cat. He was all of about two years old. He was a very friendly cat. Everytime I'd go up stairs he'd run to the top of the stairs and wait to be petted. If you didn't he'd smack you with his paw. He was a very sweet cat and everyone misses him so. He left us about twelve years or so too soon.
       Elena was very sad and we invited her to sleep with us. She declined until about 12:30 when she joined us. The bed gets very crowded with three people and Athena in it. The room gets hot with three dogs and three people in it. I turned on the over head fan around two and it helped.
      So New Years eve Teri and the girls arranged for Leo to be cremated. The quoted fee was $300. When they saw him they lowered their price to under a hundred. Afterwards they went to IHOP for breakfast. I got home at five and took a nap. Elena asked to invite her new boyfriend. Teri and I had talked about it so it was ok for him to come if he had a ride there and back. Elena was not allowed to drive on New Years morning with the possibility of there being extra drunks on the road.
    Elena went to work at four and asked to leave a little earlier than nine. She was allowed to leave at eight.
     When I leave work I read a group of texts from Elena and Teri. It seems Elena locked her car keys in the car. I offer to bring a second set. I pick up keys at home and head to Pearl River. When I get there, I find the car and park next to it. I get out and I can swear I hear the low hum of her car. Yes the car is still running. I then to to the driver's door and insert the key. The door lock doesn't move. I then notice the door is open. I open it and turn off the car. I imagine that Elena left the car running, locked the door for the inside and shut it then thinking she had locked the keys in the car called for help, not trying the door. I can understand. I got a laugh and when I told her about it she at first didn't believe the car was running and the door was unlocked.
     Teri, Nastia, Nancy and I get to Eric and Lynn's a little after eight. Elena show up at eight thirty or

so and announces her boyfriend, whose name is Keene, not Cool (see what I mean about the possibility of it being a hippie name) shows up about nine. He is a bit of a surprise and Elena's attitude brightens.
      Around the same time former not to serious ex-boyfriend (he is about two years younger then Elena), Alex shows up. So all evening she is flanked by Alex on one side and Keene on the other. Nastia in the unfamiliar position of not being the center of attention. (She doesn't handle it well.Probably not even aware of it either. She takes her hair out of it's ponytail and tries to get more attention) The Twilight Zone marathon is on the TV. People are talking and I start to get tired. Nastia has some starch, then a little more and finishes later in the night eating Doritos. Later she get tire, (some relationship between the starch and getting tired?) She crawls into her mother's lap and tries to sleep. Later she goes and lies down

on the hearth of the fireplace, jumping up every time someone puts a log on the fire. New Years comes everyone kisses and wishes for a better New Year. Last year I didn't and I thought it would be best if I did this year, maybe it would be better. We stay until about 1:15, then head home. Elena sleeps with Teri and I go to sleep in Elena's bed. I'm up at 7:15 for some reason and Teri follows soon after. It's now 9:45 and I don't expect to see the girls until closer to noon.
Last night Nastia gets a text saying her final project for make up class was never handed in. Having junked all of her school papers she texts back reminding the teacher she saw the almost finished project and telling her she's thrown everything away. Well see where it goes.

So this Christmas and what have you done...*

So this is Christmas. I remember when John Lennon was murdered. I was in my bedroom with my girlfriend, it was 1980 just before Christmas and I turn on the radio. The newscaster reported John Lennon had been shot and killed by Mark David Chapman. It was so unreal I couldn't believe it. I had to hear the report several time. Now all these years later it has passed without a note. It's become a part of history just like Pearl Harbor on December 7th. Few talk about either any more. I remember working the milk route with my dad and he'd buy the Daily News. The Daily New in the 70's would put pictures in the centerfold of the paper when big events happened, or to commemorate events. On December 7th in the early 70's the centerfold of the paper was filled with pictures of  ships bombed in 1941. I'd looked at them the same way people now look at pictures of John Lennon on the night he was murdered. Wow an interesting historical event.
    Well it is Christmas eve 2019. Our bank accounts are emptied and most of what we wanted to buy has been bought. Teri again has been a champ. She will say things about how there is not a lot , but when you look at the mess of gifts and who they are for it is overwhelming. I always feel like I never giver her enough. She is always so very generous. And she is always so tough to buy for too. Years ago I ran out of jewelry to give her. Wrist, ears, I think I missed her neck and nose, damn it.
       Speaking of noses,Nastia and Elena got piercings. That is all that needs to be said.

Let the pictures say the rest. And yes I think they are unnecessary.
It is now Christmas morning. in a home with older children. I remember when it first happened to me. I was like sixteen or so and Eric comes into my room and says it's Christmas in a slightly desperate tone, get up. He was twelve, still of that age. It seems the girls both left that special age too quickly. One year I'd go up to their room and say 'Good morning,it Christmas and I'd get a great video of them racing down stairs. Then one year completely out of left field they wanted to sleep more. That is the day the magic of Christmas started to disappear. It's seven-thirty Christmas morning, I'm stuck in my bedroom with Mesha because she'd physically tear Nevel Nancy's dog who is down stairs apart if she could. Nevel is getting a little freedom with Teri and Nancy as the girls sleep away. Nastia might get up around

No sugar plums dancing here

nine,but if left to her own Elena would sleep until two in the afternoon.
     We are having a small gathering at our house this year of anywhere from five to eight. Donald, Amanda's father is working for Rockland Bakery and there is a chance of overtime and with Christmas on a Wednesday, he has to get up early tomorrow. Also the same with Amanda and Tony. They are working or at least one is and they both might not make it and have to get up tomorrow, so who knows.
      We are having a Rib roast for a two o'clock dinner. If you want melt in your mouth beef, this is
your baby. It costly, but has supplanted  turkey as the Christmas dinner of choice.
       It is now the day after Christmas. All the presents are opened and the wrapping paper has been hauled away by the trash men and spirits of sugar plums no long dance in our wee little children's heads. Elena went out with her new boyfriend tonight, Spectacular or is it Cool. I know it is a name a hippie would give to their child, I honestly don't remember it. I know you're thinking, 'Is he a nice boy?' (say it like a jewish mother) I don't know, haven't met him. I do know Elena came home tonight with  a rash on her neck, I hope she isn't coming down with something. If it was summer, I'd thought she'd gone fishing for ... let's all say it together, 'Sucker Fish!' and when she reads this years later she gonna hid my false teeth.
I hope she is happy. I'm told s-e-x (I'm spelling it out incase small children are reading this) is not in the cards any time soon, She has told her mother she is not ready.
      Now Nastia on the other hand is having David issues. He is acting distant and he has really pissed Nastia off to the point that she is/was considering dumping the love of her life. Is/was because they went to the movies tonight and were together yesterday for a while after he ignored her for, I don't know a week or so? And everytime I think of that I remember the dumb ass thing he said when he first started going out with her. "I don't break up with girls, they break up with me." Why doesn't he finally grow the fuck up!! I've gone into all of his shortcomings before and how he has no great roll models except for his grandparents and even though I am tempted to rehash his faults again, I will resist. He is not a bad kid. He's kind and funny and my daughter loves him, but he has all these demons running around in his head causing all this dumbass behavior to come out. I'm real tired of damaged people. I got into therapy years ago, one of my daughter's is in therapy, the other should be and all the two of them ever do is bring home people who are more damaged than themselves. Their mother has pushed them to do better, to get jobs, pay their own bills and car costs. To earn pocket money and get an education. They have been given the opportunities America can give and their future is theirs. They just don't have coat tails that lessers can hold onto as they try to soar. David will most likely fly high. He is focused on a possibly bright future, but he needs to make a little room for my daughter if he doesn't want to lose her.

Like Santa Claus I too do exist.

*Lyrics

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

A very Merry Christmas
And a happy new year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong
And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red one
Let's stop all the fight

A very Merry Christmas
And a happy new year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
A new one just begun
And so happy Christmas
We hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

A very Merry Christmas
And a happy new year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
War is over, if you want it
War is over now

la, la, ah, ah
Happy Christmas
Happy Christmas (happy Christmas)
Happy Christmas (happy Christmas)

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: John Winston Lennon /