In the Mirror

A while ago Teri said Elena was just like me. At first I said no, but in the back of my mind something said different. Now all this time later as I struggle to see God's plan for all of this I am sure of one thing. When I look at my daughter, Elena I am looking in the mirror. And that is part of the big picture.
  We, Teri and I received an e-mails from Elena's teacher that she had a folder that she was to work on at home over the weekend so when she came into school on Monday she could write a paper in class.
Do home work on a Friday! Homework is never assigned on Fridays and it is never done over a weekend! How dare they!! This was the silent thoughts going through my daughter's mind when Teri and I told her to work on her paper Friday. At her age I would of felt the same way and I would of not done the work or I would of fought my parents the same way she was about to fight us.
   Teri  had taken the lead and Elena was sitting at the table doing, sitting in front of her work, when I came home She was sitting twirling her pen and wasting time. I knew where this was going and I didn't want to be the anger in the middle of it all. I went upstairs.
   I came down later when I heard Teri yelling at Elena. The rage in her voice made me glad I'd not stayed. Teri was saying something about sitting there twirling a pen wasting time, could of been done by now. That was just the beginning.
  Teri and I talked to her, threatened her, joked, explained to her all angles that we could think of to get her to understand the advantage of doing the booklet in advance of Mondays paper she had to write in class. She didn't even have to write the paper at home, it was a class project!
   I first bought up the subject of punishment when I'd gotten frustrated with Elena. I'd told her after dinner, we'd started eating when the latest assault on fortress Elena's pig headedness had started. I suggested right after dinner she clear her plate and go right up to bed. In a show of thick headed dutchmenness my father would of been proud of she said,'Well I'll just go to sleep.' Well I'd be damned if she was just going to go to sleep and not suffer and regret the consequences of her decision. How dare she thwart my plan!  Teri jumped in before I said something like 'No you won't being going to sleep. I'm making you stay up extra late for that!!' Teri said that Elena was to go upstairs and get her cell phone, her Ipad and bring them both downstairs. Teri had decided on the nuclear option, Elena was losing her electronics, her toys, her babies. The Ipad and phone were put on the center of the table and left there for everyone to see and be reminded of the futility of rebellion.  Later I got in on the destruction when I caught her using her computer. Her response to the expected question was, "No one said I couldn't use it." and she was right, so I told her it was included in the bad.
     That night We made her sit with us as we watched a movie she had no interest in. There was the occational seigh, but for the most part she was good. In an effort to end this I gave her a very impassioned plea. I told her if she got up early, not really early, maybe did her chiors and sat down about eleven and did her homework I would talk to her mother and maybe Elena would be allowed to go to the library (yes, we took that away to.no she doesn't go there to read books, they have video games to play there.) . I also explained how We don't want to punish her and if she just gives in a little she can get back most everything she's lost very quickly.
   The next morning she gets up, does her choirs, sits down at the table at eleven and does her homework. She is done in under an hour. All that for nothing,wow. She goes to the Library, she still loses her eletronics until Monday night when she is forced to sit through another family night.
  We both hope she takes something from all this, but I don't know, I hope.
  She has forced me to take long deep hard looks at who I was growing up and how I changed. I was just like her in not letting anyone tell me what to do.She is more overt then I ever was. If someone wanted me to do something I didn't want to do I'd listen and do what I wanted to. I remember my mom fixing me a plate of home made french fries and a steak. For some reason I didn't want to eat it.I sat there for the longest time. It was one of my favorite meals. The only cure for me was to grow up.