Things have changed again...forever.

We had dinner together Wednesday night. It was planned in advance. I gots some steaks out. Nastia had shrimp, while Teri, Elena and I had steaks . Dinner was going well when out of the blue Teri asks Nastia what the mark on her neck was. I didn't see it and have never seen it. Nastia says it a hickey, Taj gave it to her. The mood at the table quickly darkens. Teri is angry because Nastia just a few days ago was crying a river of tears about the end of her relationship with David, now she is with Taj. I'm angry because Nastia didn't tell me what was going on. I thought we had a very open relationship where we could talk about anything. I've really worked at it by answering any questions she has asked. Even one where I don't come off too well.
       Dinner ends and clean up is quiet. Nastia goes upstairs with Elena and Teri and I are left down stairs. Now here is where a difference of opinion comes in. I hear Teri say she is washing her hands of Nastia and doesn't care what she does for now on. Then She has some other choice words about her daughter.
       The next day I ruminate* about the previous night's event and come to the conclusion Nastia is just someone who needs to have the attention of a man (boy in Taj's direction) to be happy. So I think I have made peace with something I felt was a betrayal by Nastia. Teri said that sounded too sexual, like a lover is betrayed. I've gone through too many years of therapy to play around with how I feel. So quietly I felt betrayed that she did not let me in on her relationship with Taj.
      When Teri gets home I ask her to sit down in the kitchen because I want to talk about Nastia. I tell her I really don't want to have this conversation, but here goes...
I don't remember much of what was said. I do remember that I was yelling at the top of my lungs (Nastia was at work, Elena was upstairs) I felt Teri washing her hands of Nastia after we made such an effort ten years ago to bring them here was extreme, (my interpretation of my yelling, not the actual conversation) That to give up on her even if she doesn't listen is not right. Teri said stuff too and I can't remember what it was. The whole thing last fifteen, maybe twenty minutes and solved nothing. The divisions and hurt were just papered over.
       The next day Teri says she has talked to Nastia and she made a joke saying it was a hickey, it wasn't real. It was a bruise she got horsing around. I felt at that point my whole argument defending Nastia was, hey, it didn't happen, nothing to see here, never mind, it's not real. I didn't believe her and I felt even angrier with her then before. I'd just reluctantly fought a very nasty battle with my wife and now I'm being told never mind, it was a joke. I was apocalyptic (another great word) I was so angry with her that I turned the front light off and locked the door so she would have to walk to the front door after work in the dark. ( I always tried to make sure the house looked welcoming and warm by unlocking the door and leaving the light on for the two of them)
At night I'd go into their room and say good night a final time and turn the light off, I stopped that too. In the morning I'd check to make sure they were up at the time they needed to be, I stopped that.
      After two days of this Teri tells me Nastia asked her if I was angry with her. Teri reminds me I was the one who was afraid of barriers being put up between parent and child.
So I decide to try and let it all go. In the afternoon she is home brushing her hair after a shower I walk by the open door and give a slightly choked hello, she replies and life starts to return to normal, well not completely. I'm turning the light on for them when they are coming home after work when it is dark, but I haven't been able to go to their room and say good night and turn off the light or wake them up in the morning. Things are different. When Nastia says she is going out with friends or a friend, I want names and where she is going and what time she will be home. Maybe it is nothing, maybe it isn't. I don't know, I just know it's different.   



* think deeply about something. (yeah, go figure, Sometimes I just love english)