The Angry Family at Christmas

Several years ago the program everyone loves Raymond was still running new shows. There was this one show where Ray's child draws a picture of what everyone things is their family and the child called it the angry family. the picture stuck with Teri and I.
   This year we decided, Me, with the backing I thought of the girls and went out to buy a Christmas tree, a real live one. Teri and I had a deal where every year we would switch back and forth between live and fake. One year about fifteen years ago I didn't want to spend the money,so we stayed with fake and it went on like that until the girls came and I thought they said they liked real trees. Yet it still took until this year to get one.
   We head out on a Saturday night about four about ten-twelve days before Christmas, yes we were late doing it, to buy a tree. Eric and Lynn said Pearl River had a place that sold trees for forty dollars, so we went. he was closed, but the guy just up the street was still open. We went through the trees there quickly. I felt like Teri didn't want to be there.
   Teri has lost both parents, her Uncle, both our dog and several relatives I don't remember over the past few years. It seems everyone goes through this at least one in a life time when a generation dies out. She had a big family.  don't remember the stages of grief, except for the stage of anger after my Dad died, I think Teri is going through that stage now. It's hitting home that her parents are not coming back.
   We get a tree and the guy in a questioning voice says fifty-five? Now that is a sure sign that he is unsure and will drop the price with a little pushing. It didn't seem Christmasie to do it so I just paid him. They wrapped the tree and loaded it on to car and we were off to eat dinner, at a Mexican restaurant called Cinco da Mayo over on Rt 303 in alley Cottage. We had a discount coupon from a Halloween thing over at North High school we won. Food was good and we fought a little, but it was not a bad dinner.
   Putting up the tree was another matter. I started by getting everything out and noticing the tree stand was missing an eye bolt, so Nastia and I went over to get one at Home Depot.
   The tree goes up and I start to take out 'the orniments', this is a collection of Hallmark ornaments that date back to when I moved out of my Mom's and began collect things to put on my tree. I have them in their original boxes and even some of the orginal paper work and what they were wrapped in. I can be real sick about somethings. Some my Mom gave me, but most I bought and ninety percent date from the nineties. I have started adding some to the collection that came off our Christmas tree when we were kids. They are cheap plastic and glass, but they now hold a place in my heart that they didn't back in the sixties when they were purchased. The first year I bought out 'the orniments' the girls opened them up threw the wrapping here and there and put them up. Ever since then I have only put some or none up. I've gotten a little weird about them I guess. I did see the first sign that maybe the girls do understand what they mean to me when we took the tree down and they were careful with the few that made it up on the tree and made sure they were packed in their correct boxes. I do hope that one day their grand kids will want them and feel the way I feel about the ornament that was from my Dad's tree when He was a kid. I try to take care of it and and give it a special place on the tree each year. Usually high up near the top where it won't get hit and broken. I've prepared myself for it's breaking. I don.t buy antiques any more because I broke so many of them.
   The reason only a few of 'the orniments' made it up on the tree this year was I got made at Teri. What the argument was, don't remember, it was that important. Teri and  argued over putting the bikes the girls got for Christmas together, o guy Amanda knew did it, I didn't have time. We argued over wrapping presents. Each year I promise to decorate the house, put up the tree early and try to enjoy the holiday's, in the past I called them the Hollow days. I hated Thanksgiving through my birthday (end of January) ( Yea, My birthday was part of the hollow days). Then I learned to enjoy Thanksgiving, I don't know what changed. Christmas was still a hard time. I can justbarely manage to buy gifts for Teri. I don't know if it is the fact that it is another mind set to stop and buy present or if I'm just lazy. Teri does all the gift buying. Maybe I'm just being my Dad, who usually got my sister to get presents for my mom. You do what you know.
   THis is still a blog about the girls and I have travelled very far afield today and before I give in to the desire to erase this I will stop and come back another time and talk about Nastia's birthday and New Years.

In the Mirror

Growing up I was not an easy child to parent. I thought I knew it all and I had no interest in school, yet I was there 99% of the time. I hated school so much that when I tried out for a sports team I had to fight myself to stay after school. I was an angry child who was quiet and people, kids picked on. I was big but my mother had taken fighting away from me fearing I would hurt someone. I'm sure your sitting there saying, Yeah, so what we all had it rough in school. To which I say Bull S.... You all couldn't of had it rough because there must of been someone who enjoyed making the other 99% of us feel like we were taking up space meant for them. But I get off my orginal thought. There must of been a time in everybodys life where your mother or father said that when you grow up I hope you have a child just like you. Mom, was I really that bad that I get it in Spades.
   I have a daughter who is a delight to be around ... sometimes. She can be really funny and charming and playful, but then, this she devil will come out or sometimes this winey little brat, or, oh I don't know, maybe it's Miss Puberty will stick her stinking little head up and turn my daugter into this creature who knows everything, won't listen, tells you well that's not the way it's do and so forth. I'm worn out she appeared tonight of course it was on a night when they had to be at wrestling and I decided to make swedish meatball with noodles and gravy and was in a hurry. This little devil showed it's head a little when she and I went over her math homework and she had done most of them  wrong, and like a fool, I actually tell her they are wrong. No there not Daddy, I did them with Mrs Lopez. Well I guess Mrs Lopez most of been on drugs because they are all wrong. No I did not say that but it just felt so good to think it I had to write it. It gets to the point where she would rather have her mother check it then me. I have been really working hard to keep my temper and not curse. Needless to say that was going out the window tonight.

before we adopted them

   When we got home I was going over her homework while trying to make gravy. Bad idea. Teri was on the phone with a co-worker who was being asked to commute from Orange county to New Rochelle. My Daughter and I go back and forth with the homework and I even go so far as to show her how it is done and she has the nerve to sit there and say. That might be right,but that's not the way I learned it. That would be fine but the way you are doing it gives you a wrong answer. I got to the point where I told her to go to bed as I threw the wadded up homework against the wall, where it proceeded to fall onto the table and roll up against some other papers like it was trying to hide. In addition to her not wanting to do the work ("It's really not homework", even though it said it in the corner) Her fighting me on the answers and when I show her it is right insisting it's not the way she does it and doubly on top of that her wining. I totally lost it. Now three hours later I am still so angry.
I invite her to come back and work with me ( You can go to bed, not water, no bathroom no dinner or do the work with me and have dinner) Do You know the little s... took a good two minutes to decide to come back and work with me. So You won''t think me a total heartless fool. I was trying to make one side so bad that she would simply and quickly decide to go back to work and work with me. It didn't work after a few minutes  started to get angry and told her to put it away and I want to see it corrected by the teacher tomorrow. If she go 75 or better I would say I am sorry. If on the other hand she gets a 30 or so, yes there were a few right answers She would be obligated to work my way and work harder, (Yea, right!)  God  help her she is just like me and I am very lucky to be where I am today. It was a long horrible trip to get here and it should of never been that tough, and she , both have already been through too much to continue along the path she is following. I never knew what would of make me want to learn when I was a kid. Now I love learning new stuff, usually useless information.

First Base, Second base and how I get into odd conversations with the Girls

Several weeks ago the girls and I were in the Palisades Center and Nastia asks me if I would really buy her and her sister t-shirts that said 'Guns don't kill people, Dads with Daughters do' when she has a boyfriend. And like any red blooded American Dad, who was young once and knows what goes on said of course I will. I will let them get to first base, but they better get thrown out if they try to steal second. For a second I forgot my audience and they ask me what is first base, and second ... I point at my lips and say first base, then at my chest and say second base. There my courage deserts me and I point toward the ground near my feet and maybe as high as my ankles and say third base. I don't talk about home.
   Elena, always a little more in tune with things that concern sex, which scares me, says third base is the va-jyn-ya. And then I say with all good grace that home is sex and they both get a good laugh at it all and then they ask why is it called first base, second base ...

Almost forgotten stories

I may have talked about this once before, but by telling it a second time I can embellish it and make it better. Do you know who said Details and facts don't matter when telling a good story? Your right and You were paying attention, it was me a few minutes ago.
   It was back when Elena was sorta sick. I say sorta because it was equal sick time. Nastia had been sick and Teri had been sick and I was tired of sick people, so when Elena said she was sick and her stomach hurt (good unprovable symptoms when you no longer have a thermometer, lost it and didn't like it anyway.) So I send her to bed, she chooses our bed, like her sister did and I go off to work. Unheard of until recently. I call my mother and ask her to fix the little sick girl lunch. After the fact my mother told me what happened. She went in and asked Elena if she was hungry and she was. Would she like a grilled cheese sandwich?She would. Some of the most vivid memories I have are her, my Mom fixing  grilled cheese sandwiches. She would butter the bread, most likely Wonder bread, put a slice of Velveeta cheese between two slices and brown the bread on a medium flame. Just about when it was finished her would flatten the sandwich down with the spatula. She would then cut it half and serve it up. Hot golden toasted bread with melted cheese in the middle, amazing goodness.
   Elena watches my mother, the women who taught me to make grilled cheese sandwiches and says : that's not the way to make grilled cheese, that's not the way Daddy does it. Yes, I did change the ingredients and due to time and fear of the butter going bad I seem to never have soft butter to spread on the bread so I melt it in the pan and I know to some purest that is not grilled cheese, its just toasted bread with cheese. Anyway Elena proceeds to tell Grammy how I make grilled cheese. How I melt the butter in the pan, put the bread on the melted butter, then cheese (sharp Cheddar, not Velveeta) and I don't like Wonder bread, I like a crusty dense bread, thicker the better.
   Grammy makes Elena, her sandwich and it is as good as ever. So alls well that ends well,I guess.

Holloween goes bust again

The Girls were looking forward to Halloween, last year we had that big snow storm, the only snow of the winter and it wasn't safe for them to go out. There were wires down and trees uprooted, leaning on wires, generally just a big mess. This year mother nature went one better. I'll get to that in a minute.

   On Friday the twenty-sixth, Elena's friend, Jessica says to her that there is going to be a haunted House at the North High School and would she like to go? She says her mother could pick her up. Teri and I said no. If she wanted to go we would take her over and that was because no one cleared it with us first.
   We went over a little late and paid the five dollars per person to go in. The Girls go through the haunted House several times, they try to win gifts, we put tickets in bags to win prizes and the girls get their faces painted.
    Elena's friend doesn't get there because they didn't have the money, that was very sad.         

    Saturday, the twenty-seventh we take the girls to the Halloween parade in Nyack. We get there a little early and set up on a curb. By the time the parade starts the crowd is ten feet into the street leaving just enough room for trucks to go by.
  We also are next to this little cow who takes candy from my daughters hand when they are given it out during the parade. Teri rightfully pointed out I could not confront the kid, it would go bad and I would look like the bully. I was going to talk to the mother but I wasn't sure that would work out well either. Either way this little cow has more problems then stealing candy from other kids.
  I have also decided I hate the parade. No one is in control keeping the crowds back and the parade itself wasn't fun. Too many businesses advertising and too many people walking without costumes and the crowds are full of annoying people. I don't want to go back next year, but I will for the girls.

   Over the weekend they kept talking about this storm that was coming up the coast and it was going to merge with then cold front and a low was going to make it come up the coast and everyone better get ready, and we did. When the storm hit Monday late the wind started blowing and the trees were swaying. Sometimes the wind blew so hard it was like a freight train blasting through. Jersey got destroyed, the city got hit with full moon flood tides and water backing up going over sea walls by over a foot and a half. One hundred and eleven houses burned in breezy point, near Kennedy Airport.
   We got high winds and very little rain. We lost a few tree limbs and power for a little over two days. I bit the bullet at the end of the second day and bought a generator, over paying by about 600.00 dollars. I figured I had that much in the refrigerator. After a day without power it was a relief to have power again.
   The first night without power the girls and Teri played monopoly while I put the generator together and plugged in some things. The second night we unplugged everything to watch a movie on the DVD player. About ten pm the power came back. They had predicted it to be out seven to ten days. If I didn't get the generator, I would not of trusted anything in the refrigerator or the freezer.
   The big problem now is getting gas. Lines in Northern New Jersey are miles long and my job didn't have enough gas to send out all it's trucks one day. It's been an interesting few days. I wonder what Gods got against Halloween these last two years?

Equal Time

Elena is up-stairs sick. Nastia was sick a few weeks ago and then Teri and both stated home. When Nastia stayed home for most of the week Elena was all bent out of shape.She kept saying that's not fair that she gets to stay home and I don't. She was a little bratty.
   There was a time when the girls where first here (2009-2010) that Elena had a cough and said she felt bad. this went on for almost two weeks for the first week she stayed home. Over the weekend she seemed to be OK until she went to bed then she would cough. This went on for the second week and it made Teri and I feel like we were bad parents. We didn't know what was wrong with her. After a while it seemed that she was looking for attention and forcing herself to cough. I think she did admit to it or we just started to ignore it after the start of the third week.
  We all went out for pizza last night an invitation for Harriett. My mom and Eric, Lynn and Dennis were there also. Everyone eat well. Elena had been coughing in the mornings since Friday. This morning she said her stomach hurt. I let it go. She ate a good breakfast and was ready to go to school.
   With Elena, I feel rightly or wrongly you have to be careful with her. When she is sick or not sick, you can't tell the difference. She loves the attention, the specialness of being sick. What kid didn't or doesn't. When she said her stomach felt bad I felt it was time to put her to bed. She isn't sick enough to stay home, but Teri and I had a big fight last night over how I treat Elena. She is very much like me and I very much don't want her to grow up like me and miss lots of opportunities because all she wants to do is have fun like I did. I've talked to her about this and I hope it sinks in before it is too late.
   I have made the decision to write in this blog more about my life so that the girls in the future will have an idea where I am coming from and why I do things and if this is boring to others sorry.

Upstate 2012

Have you ever gone some place and thought you'd been there before? Well it happened to me over the weekend.

   In 1966, my parents bought a farm in West Fulton, NY for about $9,000.00. A tighty sum back then. I remember my parents raiding Karl and my piggy banks of all the cash to help come up with the down payment. real story,mom I didn't make it up.
   Zoom a few years into the future and we are all in  our twenties and Karl and Eric are having a feud that will last several years.
   A few years later, my Dad has died and my mom decides she can't afford the property and divides it up among the children. Karl and Eric are still having problems, so He gets several acres to the east and Eric, Ruth and I get the house and the remaining property. Ruth is tired of fighting and wants little or nothing to do with it. It causes problems among the three of us, so my mother decides to sell the property and Eric is given first choice, because he has the money.

   Around this time I sell Muller Dairies and I try to give my mother the money she invested in the dairy and half of the sale price. I came up short, but in all of this I ended up giving my mother back the 10 grand for the farm.
   Move a few more years in the future and Eric tries to fix the foundation once and for all. One thing leads to another and after somewhere north of $50,000.00, a complete remake of the house setting it up for the next century, but it is no longer the house I have known for over 40 years. I'm not saying He did anything wrong in the restoration, it is just not the house I knew and I guess since I don't own it it don't matter. He put in  new windows, nice and big, insulated the wall, added heating and stoves, siding, new walls. The end of the house fell off the main section and he rebuilt it, all different. He moved the door, added windows and got rid of the wood shed. There is added space, but it seems smaller some how. There was no space to get away from people like there used to be.

   Now the girls had a fun time and they can't wait to go back again. Teri and I slept  in the new family room/kitchen/dining room. Nastia and Elena started out in the side bedroom off the dinning room. Elena kept tossing and turning some I moved Nastia to where we were sleeping. The next night Elena joined us and slept with her mother.
  It was raining and cold the whole weekend. The girls tried to go fishing and had no luck. They ran around with Dennis and his friend and had a good time. They played monopoly and I had to end it to send them to bed.
   We went to the Stone Fort in Middleburg and I had a good time. I think the girls were bored. They had different guns that they showed how they changed over the years. They had a Teddy Roosevelt impersonator. I only saw a few minutes but he was good.

   Someone challenged Nastia to walk down the driveway at night, she got maybe twenty feet before they came back. The next day both kids wanted to walk the driveway. They took a walkie-talkie with them. When they got to the end of the driveway, I went to pick them up and gave them both a driving lesson just like my mom did when we were young. I might have started Elena at twelve a little young, but I think she will remember it as will Nastia as I remember the first time my Dad let me move the car in the driveway.

9-11 and my daughters

It is the eleventh anniversary of the World Trade Center being destroyed. What makes it more important then any of but the first is my daughters were required to write about it and Nastia asked me questions. It is interesting how it still brings me close to tears and for the girls it is history. In 2001 Nastia was coming up on her third birthday and Elena was just past one. And both were in Obluchya in the Jewish Autonomous region of Russia, with a mother who was not cooping too well, I guess.
  My memories begin around eight-thirty on the eleventh. I had just left the Rockleigh golf course on Paris Ave, The radio reported that a plane of undetermined size had hit one of the World Trade Center towers. I thought about the story I read about the plane that hit the Empire State building and thought it was another idiot. I called Teri and made comments along that line. I continued toward Rockland to an unremembered next stop.
   I think Teri calls me a little while later and says a second plane has hit the World Trade Center. I tell her it sounds like terrorists now. We talk some more and speculate about the size of the planes and Teri says the Towers are still burning.
   I head to my Mothers house and turn on the TV to get a look at what is going on. The TV is showing continuous pictures of the fires. I could not believe how much smoke was coming from the buildings. I meant only to stay a few minutes, but I spent the rest of the day there. I was in front of the TV when the Pentagon was hit and when the South Tower came down the talking heads missed it and I'm yelling at the TV "Somethings happening, somethings happening!" I think they must of heard me because they noticed the building was no longer there and someone asked what happened to it.
   When the second one went they took the time to notice.
   The rest of the day is a fog. My  next memory of any sort is almost a week later, 9-11 was on a Tuesday, like this year, I took my boat out with my friend on Saturday in the Long Island Sound and we could still see the smoke coming from the Towers.
   When the fire finally went out and some predicted that it might burn months, they put up two spot lights where the Towers were and Teri and I drove down the Jersey coast and got in a line of car to drive by the nearest point to the site. We weren't the only ones with the thought.
   Sometime the next Spring I took my boat down the Hudson to go fishing and we got up close and it was this big hole in the skyline. This huge hole it was just so wrong.

The end of Summer and a busy August

It's the end of another Summer and a unique one at that. How often do you decide to adopt kids? It our case it is twice. We are one for two in that respect. Annya didn't want to come, while Leonid did. It is a shame we left the decision up to a twelve year old. I won't make that mistake again. Never again will I leave any decisions to a twelve year old. Should we go to war in the Middle East again, I will not ask a twelve year old to make the decision.

   In August we went to the beach and the Renaissances Faire and the Dutchess Country Fair. All within the same week or so.
   The Renaissance faire up in Sterling Forest, I have not been to since Scott, Tony's (pop pop) neighbor moved and quit giving us free tickets. Scott used to do 'Instant Sheakspeare', where He would be Shakespeare and get stuck on a line and ask the audience for a word and the actors on stage would try to rhyme the word and have it make sense in the scene. It was great fun. The Flaming Idiots used to preform there too. They left and went to Broadway for a few years. They were jugglers and comedy. Lots of fun.

   We went with Nancy and Amanda on a Saturday. We wandered around looking through shops and eating overly expensive and poorly tasting food. The Girls found a sprinkler and ran around under it until they were soaked. We started watching a show with three young girls full of tired jokes and double ententes. I left and when I came back everyone else ad moved on. The girls wanted to try knife throwing or axe throwing. We let them try the strong man thing where you hit a hammer and try to ring a bell and if you don't there is several unflattering thing said about you strength. We watched the Myrtle and Delores washing wenches. It was a show that hoped to make you laugh and feel foolish if you volunteered to help them. It succeeded at both. They were both dresses up as low class washer women with teeth blacked out and no class. They had one man put on and over sized pair of underwear and climb up on a table in the near by bar area and declare his love for one of the women.
   We finished the day with the girls trying to pull King Arthur's sword out of the stone.

CRANBERRY INN
We went to the Beach for three days or parts of three days. We left on a Monday and checked into the Cranberry Inn around three or so and went down to the beach.For about three hours the girls were in a rough surf having a blast. Everyone once in a while one or the other would say they had sand in their bathing suit and then they would tell me where. I didn't really need to know that information. I told them how to get sand out of the top of their suit by letting the waves wash the sand out.
We ate dinner that night at Olive Garden.
   The next day we were at the beach bright and early 10:30 after a nice breakfast at Bobbers. I let my wife spray sunscreen on me and spent the day under the umbrella watching the girls try out their new boogie boards. Once they got the hang of them they had a great time.

   We ate dinner on the boardwalk. The girls got twenty dollars each worth of tickets to ride the rides. They are daredevils and nothing scares them. They had lots of fun. When the tickets ran out Elena wanted to play some games and I got mad at her. I was put out because it seemed that everything, all of it and then some more was not enough for her. Her mother said let her play so we, her and I walked across half the Broadway looking for a game she had seen before. As things began to close a stop was put to her wandering. She decided to play the game where you shoot water at the clown and try to blow up a balloon to win. Her and Nasta played and didn't win. They didn't have enough for both to play again so Elena said Nasta could play which I didn't hear I felt that it was time to go. Teri did hear and kicked in the extra few dollars so both could play. Neither won. At that we headed for home and got there after midnight.
   The final half day we were there we went to Island Beach, which has no boardwalk and only a small concession stand with over priced items of poor quality. At the end of the day they even looked good. So I purchased a smoothie drank some of it and gave the rest to the girls. Nastia had asked for a smoothie at breakfast and we didn't think she would like it so we said no. It turns out she liked it so did Elena and both finished it. I thought it was poor quality.

DUTCHESS COUNTY FAIR
   We went to the Dutchess County fair during the final week of August. We had loads of fun last year and this year I made a point of coming back. We bought Nancy with us this year and followed the same plan as last year except we got there earlier this year. We started with lunch then we let the girls go on rides and we then went through some exhibits of knitting and photo and baking. We then went over to the Cow barn where the girls got to pet cows and advoid cow pies. They petted Sheep, Lambs and other barn yard creatures. They were disappointed again that they could not pet the horses, they bit. We ate somed dinner then went home. It was a two hour trip home and I was tired of driving so Teri did me a favor and drove home. We walked in the door a little after midnight. It was a nice day and a busy month. I good way to end summer. No one is looking foward to school. Things get to busy. Both girls go to Middle School this year. Look out Middle School.

Birthday Girl goes Elenapaloosa

Friday was Elena's birthday, she turned twelve. In the three years we have known her she has become a mouthy little girl with a heart of gold. There was a fear that she would get lost in the crowd. There is still that fear, but at home it doesn't happen. She is a quirky, funny charming child and we are proud to have her as our daughter. I don't know if she is destined for greatness but she wants to learn to play the guitar and the piano. I just have to get her a teacher.
   On Friday her and her sister spent the day at home. Camp is over and the three week summer school they are going to was off. Teri and I got home from work a little early and we got dinner going. Elena had asked for meatballs and spaghetti.

   Elena invited over Emanuel, Frankie and Nastia's friend Angelica. Only Emanuel and his sister were able to make it. It seems everybody is always away when it is Elena's birthday, it's not always easy to throw an Elenapaloosa, Yes her birthday celebrations have been reclassified as Elenapaloosas, just like that lesser known festival. Grammy and Aunt Madeline were here too, as was Aunt Nancy, Amanda and Amanda's friend Deandra. We had dinner and cake and ice cream, compared to the other birthdays, this one was a little low key. It was nice. I think we were all a little tired from our day. Elena didn't get her cell phone yet. She will use it to the point that it will have to be taken away from her. She'll be as bad as Amanda. Some of her gifts were a key board, Zombie Lab and a hand made pouch by Grammy.

A weeks perspective

I have not been a nice person to be around this week. When Teri asked me what was wrong I could not say. I thought early in the week I was tired. We went to dinner on Tuesday and I wanted to have a small dinner with the four of us. I forgot that was the reason I wanted to go to dinner until we sat down at the Hard Wok with eight people. I was a bear at dinner and it seemed to lift a little later that night, only to come back in force on Thursday when I took the kids to the grocery store to pick up something for dinner and Nastia stopped to look for the Three Stooges movie and Elena picked up some balls that had fallen into the isle and tossed them back into the bin. I unreasonable lost my cool and got angry at the girls to the point that we left the store.

   I think it all or most of it stems back to Leonid and Anya. It is the only thing that feels right. I didn't think I felt that bad about them leaving. We did put ourselves out there and welcome them with open arms into our house and they said they would rather live in an orphanage. I guess it hurt more then I knew.
   An other thing that has happened or not happened is since Leonid and Anya left there are no crowds at our house like there was, there are no dinners for ten, with most of them kids. I enjoyed the time, cooking for a full house of people.

   I have never mentioned this to anyone and I have only just barely admitted it to myself. I did exhale with relief when We were told they were not going to stay with us. I truly didn't not know how we were going to afford it. The remortgage of the house was going to yield only a few thousand dollars and that would of meant I would of hit my four-o-one-K for the balance. With the new mortgage and the price of houses not expected to change for the next decade or so I truly was not going to retire. I'm not the big bread winner, Teri is and she wants to retire in four years, it wouldn't of happened either. We were going to give up a lot for them. they will never know how much.
   If we were to receive a letter that they changed their minds and want to come back, I would be very conflicted about it, but I think I might vote to take them back. I... might, I think..I... might...maybe... I don't know, maybe.

Poker hands

A quick one. A few days ago I asked does a full house beat a pair. Well it turns out that when you don't have a full house a pair is appericated a whole lot more then before and you start remembering just how great the two of them are and how much you really love the two of them. They might be a little off kilter and different from everyone else, but that is what makes them so special to us and whatever the reason Anya and Leonid chose not to stay our girls are the best thing that has ever happened to us and I hope we never forget that. I love them so much.

Out of left field

I am shocked and I don't know how it happened. No wait I know how it happened, I just don't know why and if they know what they just did.

   We dropped Leonid and Anya off at the Hampton roads Motel last night where  Leonid was to give us his answer about if he and his sister were going to stay with us and be adopted. We were late to the hotel. the heat wave ended with some heavy rain storms and flooded a couple of lanes on the Cross Island Expressway. We found a place to eat dinner, a place called Angelina's, expensive and my dinner was very salty.
   When we got to the Hotel the kids were taken upstairs where Patrice and Linda talked to them. Everyone thought this was best. They came back a little while later and we accompanied Patrice and Lynda to Patrice's room.They told us the kids had decided to go back to Russia and not be adopted. Teri said she had expected it, I was floored. I didn't think they would ever pass up the opportunity  to have a family, even an imperfect one. It had to be better then where they were. We talked about options and laughed over a few jokes that were made (Teri, now you can get your siding for the house, trust me it was funny you just had to be there and need something to feel a little happy about.)

   We went out to the lobby. Patrice and Lynda went to get the kids so we could say good bye. Anya came first and we hugged her tightly. I watched Anya, she seemed unmoved when Teri hugged her.I don't know if she disconnected to feel less pain or if this was the way your learn to survive in an orphanage, I don't know. I hope she knows we care about the both of them and hope their life turns out better then I see it. Leonid was a little difficult to find and when he came to the lobby his eyes seemed a little glassy and I thought he was a little upset. We hugged said good bye to him, stood around for a few minutes, then left.
   It's amazing that it ended just like that. There was nothing to suggest in our parting that we were planning to spend the rest of our lives with these two.

   We went down the road to turn around when Teri says lets stop at Baskin Robins and get ice cream. Of course it took me back to the last time I had ice cream from Baskin Robin's it was in Birobidjhan and I made a joke how do you say Baskin Robin is Russian, Yea it was funny when I told it back then too. The moments gone so now I'm not going to tell you the answer. Anyway we spent sometime eating ice cream and there was really no talking about anything important.
   We got home late and went right to bed.
   Today, I did a count down until they left at three PM. Then I counted the hours they had been in the air and now they are in Moscow at a hotel and it is eight hours in advance of our time and a few hearty souls might be getting up for breakfast. ( it's 11:37 PM, Thursday, here and 8:37 AM Friday morning in Moscow Russia)

   I hope they live a long and happy life and find what they are looking for and did not find here. I will think about them often for a long while and then occasionally for the rest of my life, but I will always wish them the best.

And in the end the love you make is equal to the love you take*

It is a few hours before we drop Leo..d and A..ya off at the Hampton Inn on Long Island. They are to be dropped off between Seven and Seven-thirty. We still don't know what is happening. If they, Leo..d want to live here. It has gotten to the point that we feel we have given all the power in the relationship over to a sixteen year old kid and we have quit trying to convince him to stay risking him and his sister staying. I hope to be able to show this to him some day so he can see all the problems kids put adults through and maybe parents.
   I really didn't think it would bother me as much as it does that they are leaving. I care about what happens to the two of them and want the best for them. If they, Leo..d decide to stay in Russia I will wonder for the rest of my life what happened to them.

   He just walked by and went into the kitchen. I had wanted to let him drive a car a little before he went and that never happened. There seemed like there was going to be a lot of time and here it is all gone already. I hope they will choose to stay. A..ya would stay if it wasn't for her brother. He is the one who can't seem to make up his mind. God take care of them whatever happens.
*Thank You Paul McCartney

Bridge of Hope 2012 and the Empire State Building

Bridge of Hope party 
   The weather forecast called for rain and possible thunder storms with heavy down pours. One hundred and seventy nine people were expected and don't you know it was the usual bright sun shiny high 90's day it always is. It seems that after everyone of these parties I complain of getting sun burn on my head even though I wore my hat all day long.

   The party was it's usual, like the weather, really great. Plenty of food and lots of people who remember me and I have trouble remembering them. You think a salesman would do better.
   The girls got in the pool and pretty much never got out. Nastia hung and I really mean hung on all the really good looking guys. I'm going to have to talk to her about that. Might become a real problem real soon. A...a was in the other end of the pool with a younger friend and Leo..d, well he was hanging out with the older kids doing back flips into the water and he got some girls phone numbers and or face book address. Amanda sets him up with a facebook address and it is too late to tell her no so I tell her no for any of the girls, for now.
   The party ran on well past the four PM end. Patrice,Teri and I with Liz all sat down to rehash the Leo..d saga. He was told even if he makes a decision after he goes back the door is not closed. Where the money will be I don't know. We were going to reside the house, fixed the stairs going upstairs and fix the fireplace when all this happened.
The Empire State Building

   We went to a tourist trap today and I hope to never go back. It sucked close to five hundred dollars out of our back account today. I know I didn't have to go up to the one-hundred and second floor for an additional seventeen dollars, but I thought in for a penny in for a pound. I'm not coming back so lets do it all. We stopped in at a Wendy's next to the Empire State building to get drinks. Outside the Empire State building there were these guys trying to sell tickets to help advoid the long lines to get to the one hundred and eighth floor for forty-five dollars. I was going to say let's do it wheen Teri said No. It was a good thing. There was no line and it was an addational sixteen dollars on top of the twenty-five to get to the top . We purchased souvineers for Leonid and Anya. He got a small watch and something else. She got a replica of the building and something else. We had to steer them away from Hoodies for $45.00. We still spent over $100.00 on gift for them to bring most likely to the Orphanage director. Not a bad thing. We left and went to find some place to eat and ended up at Bon Ton Korean chicken across the street. It was good.

   Leo..d was not part of the group and didn't want me to take his picture any more I tried to explain I had to, but gave up and snuck pictures.when he wasn't looking. My wife added to the tension by giving up and saying if he wants to come he can I give up. We gave him power he should of never had and I thought she was right If he didn't want to be adopted he should of never written the letter, he did write it, but now it seems he doesn't mean it. Does he understand the dog and pony show this has become? (boy I'm pulling the cliche's out of thin air tonight) We have pulled out all stops and bent or broken lots of our own rules to make it happen for him and his sister. His sister has gotten lost in the shuffle with everything going on with him. She could be the next Elena.

   Then he'll help with the groceries or give you the face, the one that looks like the little boy he is and you think that maybe you can give it another chance even though you are well past the safety range in everything,your time, your patients, your bank account, everything, but you are willing to maybe try again, and again maybe.

Why are people saying such nice things?

I have never considered myself an adventuresome person. I went into this second adoption with the full knowledge that I knew what I was doing and nothing could be further from the truth.
   A..ya has connected with the girls and has made the terrible twosome a threesome. Her brother, who never talked, smiled and seemed to want to disappear into the wall paper smiles on a regular basis when asked questions or is having a good time.  All  Teri and I did was give them some space and not yell at them. It will all be different if they decide to come back and stay. They only get the choice because of Leo..d's age of sixteen. How can You force someone that old, yet that young to make a change like this and also let him decide an issue this important when he is so young. I know it is a convoluted sentence, I find it hard to put it in his hands. I am confident that he will decide to come to America, but what if he doesn't.
   He has his sister's future in his hands and that is a big responsibility. I wouldn't want it at that age. He doesn't know America well enough to get the full picture of what he will be missing if he goes back. I have never been prouder to be an American then I have since we adopted children and I started really thinking about what we have here and how great it is even with a government that doesn't seem to want to do anything for the people but make big long windy pronouncements about what the other side is doing wrong.
   We dropped Leo..d off at camp and made plans to have Scott and Sasha Evans pick him up from camp and spend sometime with him and I would pick him up in the early evening giving me a chance to talk with Patrice who would get some quiet time to talk with Leo..d without his sister around.
   It turned out to be a good talk. Leo..d likes his hosts, us and feels his sister has benefited from her relationship with the girls and he has to have a talk with his sister about staying. or not. It was explained to him the advantages of staying here vs going back. He knows very little about what he could do here. He knew about the three levels of school, but nothing else. He was told he would have to work hard and that he would not be alone. He would have a network of people to help him , but he would have to work hard to learn the language. He would get ESL to help him.
   I went by to pick him up about seven. I drove up to the house and didn't know what to do when I got there. The  Evens are very down to earth people , but I went to their front door anyway. I rang the bell three time and got no answer. I listened and heard nothing. I began to wonder if I'd gone to the wrong home and maybe this was only the place from the party tomorrow. I walked around the back and a small group of people greeted me. I was offered a drink and I sat down. I wanted Patrice to tell me right off the bat that Leo..d wanted to stay, but I let the conversation get going and I let her get into it. There was no "well he wants to stay" it was the next best thing and maybe in the long run an insight into who this young man is. He wanted to talk to his sister about it and would make a decision soon. He was open and you didn't have to pull answers out of him Patrice was surprised and pleased.
   I stayed about an hour, I felt comfortable and enjoyed talking with everyone. They said a lot of nice stuff about us and I don't know what we have done to deserve it. This is not false modesty it is the truth. Teri and I have done nothing really special, but I guess that was what was needed. I guess a full house may beat a pair in this case.We will see very soon.

Does a pair beat a full house?

we are coming down to the wire. Tomorrow Sasha and his dad pick up Leo..d and they get to hang out together from two until i pick him up sometime around ten I guess. We'll talk to Liz and Scott tomorrow and get a time.

   Today I dropped Leo..d off at camp and when I picked him up I had what Rockland Bakery calls a chocolate stick, a long pastry rolled up and filled with chocolate and Cinnamon and sugar with chocolate drizzled over the top. I wish I could say it was on purpose that I had it but it wasn't. I picked it up off the front seat so he could sit down and it clicked. I liked it I think. It has become tradition to feed him after camp, it has improved our relationship.
   In all of this poor A..ya has gotten lost. The good thing is she is doing well, I hope. She is still quiet. She listens when I ask her to do something and I hope she is having fun. When we asked her if there was something she wanted to do before she left she said no there was nothing. The only thing she does besides swiming is play the Barbie game on the computer. She has been away from her brother as alot and I think that is good for both.
   It's an important weekend. Leo..d get to sit down with Patrice and have a talk. Teri and I have started talking about the future a little tonight and Nastia has said she would like them to stay.I then told her if they come back they can't leave. She thenasked if it would be like her and her sister, I said yes. We didn't go further for some reason. We will talk to everyone this weekend together and apart to get their feelings.

A summer chill turns warm by evening.

The day started out bad when Leo..d took what Teri thought was an attitude when she wanted to bring him to camp. It turned out he felt it was too early to go to camp. I took him and he got there when everyone else was getting there. Teri asked if I thought he didn't like her. I said no, he didn't want to get to camp too early.
   In the afternoon when I picked him up he was happy and asked if Amanda, Brandon and Deandra were at the house. He hung out with them until seven when they went home.
   We asked Leo..d and A..ya if there was something special they wanted to do before they left on Friday. We had to call Scott to get the correct answer. They want to get souvenirs for the orphanage director so we will go to the city on Sunday. Maybe Manhattan or Brighton Beach (a Russian community) it will be fun.
   And just like 08' we are already beginning to miss the two of them. The house will seem quiet just like last time. Will we adopt them? I don't know.

Summertime and the living is easy...but

This day could be looked back on as the beginning of the end or the reverse the end of the beginning. Teri and I recieved an e-mail from Patrice about a conference call. We said we would be able to around two in the afternoon.
   We talked for about a half an hour with Patrice and Linda. We discussed options and we tried to figure out what is going on inside the mind of a teenager. Which is like trying to find a polar bear in a snow storm. We decided it was letting him call the shots if he did not finish camp and if we had Alexi, Liz's son hang around with him at camp.
   We decided that Patrice would sit down with Leo..d* with us not around and try to find out what he knows about his possible future in America and if he wants to come and is he willing to make the effort and if not would he let A..ya* be adopted without him.

   It seemed like a waste of time after the late afternoon and evening we just had. A...da* invited her friends over De...a*, Se..na* and Bra...n*. Bra...n* and Leo..d* seemed to get along and everyone got in the pool and when I came back with the girls there were seven people in the pool. They had chicken fights and splashed around then they all got on the trampoline and had an other good time. Just by chance I had cooked extra food for later in the week, so when A...da* came in and asked if they could eat over it was an easy yes. The Kitchen was crowded and the tables outside were full with people and as the title says It's summertime and the living is easy...
    Ned Stark in 'Game of Thrones' would say "but Winter is coming". Good book try it.
*for my ever lovin wife T..i

The last ten days

After my long rambling blog of this morning Teri and I ate a quiet breakfast around noon. At one PM we hadn't seen Leo..d yet so I knocked on his door and went in. He was watching movies on the computer. I didn't say anything, I let it go and went out to do yard work. It was hot in the low 90's and everyone should of been in the pool. It was empty until Teri and Nancy came back from the store and got in. When I got in there was a total of eight people in the pool. If we go ahead with the adoption we need a bigger pool.
   Everyone horsed around in the pool. I tried to keep it calm, but the girls wanted to rough house and then the fifteen year old in me came out and there was pandemonium. I was troubled that Leo..d and A..ya played together and the girls played with me including A..ya, but Leo..d never joined in. It is tough to join the two groups. I really went into this with rose tinted glasses. I'm sorry and I don't know who to apologize to. Is it Leo..d and A..ya for not being prepared to handle this or to the girls and Teri who might get hurt by this or to myself who will alway wonder if he did the right thing and who did not think it through. Again God help us all.