A weeks perspective

I have not been a nice person to be around this week. When Teri asked me what was wrong I could not say. I thought early in the week I was tired. We went to dinner on Tuesday and I wanted to have a small dinner with the four of us. I forgot that was the reason I wanted to go to dinner until we sat down at the Hard Wok with eight people. I was a bear at dinner and it seemed to lift a little later that night, only to come back in force on Thursday when I took the kids to the grocery store to pick up something for dinner and Nastia stopped to look for the Three Stooges movie and Elena picked up some balls that had fallen into the isle and tossed them back into the bin. I unreasonable lost my cool and got angry at the girls to the point that we left the store.

   I think it all or most of it stems back to Leonid and Anya. It is the only thing that feels right. I didn't think I felt that bad about them leaving. We did put ourselves out there and welcome them with open arms into our house and they said they would rather live in an orphanage. I guess it hurt more then I knew.
   An other thing that has happened or not happened is since Leonid and Anya left there are no crowds at our house like there was, there are no dinners for ten, with most of them kids. I enjoyed the time, cooking for a full house of people.

   I have never mentioned this to anyone and I have only just barely admitted it to myself. I did exhale with relief when We were told they were not going to stay with us. I truly didn't not know how we were going to afford it. The remortgage of the house was going to yield only a few thousand dollars and that would of meant I would of hit my four-o-one-K for the balance. With the new mortgage and the price of houses not expected to change for the next decade or so I truly was not going to retire. I'm not the big bread winner, Teri is and she wants to retire in four years, it wouldn't of happened either. We were going to give up a lot for them. they will never know how much.
   If we were to receive a letter that they changed their minds and want to come back, I would be very conflicted about it, but I think I might vote to take them back. I... might, I think..I... might...maybe... I don't know, maybe.