Take My kids, please*

*For all you kids out there who don't get the reference, Henny Youngman was known for the catch line "Take my wife, no please take her." yea you got to be a Jewish vaudeville comedian to get a laugh from that joke.

Well it has been an interesting time here lately. I was recently unemployed, so I was having lunch at home about two in the afternoon, when my phone rings. It was Brian Clemente, a nice guy I have gotten to know over the last few years from Felix Festa Middle School. He is the dean of  punishment or something like that for students. Him and I have over the last few years talked about why one daughter or another was in need of detention. I know your shrieking right now not those little darlings!! Yes, those little darlings. They are not longer begging strangers for money in the streets of Nyack, usually they just tell me how much money I owe them. These Angels from heaven, (Is that what they call Russia these days in Crimea.) are getting into normal trouble like bring a knife to school or teasing a fellow student.
  The call from Mr Clemente involved a knife. It was a small two inch Swiss army knife that I had given Nastia, because she had wanted a knife and asked several times. The first thing I told her was  'DON'T BRING IT TO SCHOOL.' Well that was several months ago and the warning was not renewed, so it must not apply any more. SO SHE BOUGHT IT TO SCHOOL!! A teacher saw it when she showed it to a fellow student and she and the knife were sent to Mr Clemente's office. He called me and I expected him to say he has Elena in front of him and was surprised when he said Nastia. I groaned when he said she had bought a knife to school. He continued by saying she has made good progress over the years and I could come and pick up the knife at school. To say the least, I was not happy.
   Then I go back to lunch,I am eating a very good salad and reading an interesting book. I am chewing on a mouthful of salad when the phone rings again. Come on you knew it was going to happen. I figured it was a follow up to the knife issue, it wasn't. "Hi Mr. Muller this is Mr. Clemente again I have a problem with Elena... My Youngest has become a bully. She doesn't see it as being a bully. She says it is all in fun. The fun is four girls, with her in the lead teasing this one girl called Anna Lisa. This poor girl from what I have heard from the stories Elena has told seems like a train wreck. Elena considers her a friend and with friends like Elena this girl needs new friends. Elena related a story about how this girl wanted to better herself and her helpful friend said in a 2014 version for a Valley girl "Well, start with girl, a breath mint," Then Elena says something about deodorant and I stop her story and tell her she is not being a good friend.
  Mr Clemente relates how she walks by this girl in class and flips the girls book closed and this was the latest in a long line of what is considered bullying she has done. He gave me what the punishment would be and I said OK and she will be dealt with when she gets home.
  I once more go back to my lunch and as I am finishing it up, yep, you guessed it I get another phone call. This one is from Dr. Benjamin school psychologist and she would like to speak with Val and needs my permission.I had nothing better to do so I told her I would be there in ten minutes to sign the paper.
  When I get to the school we go into a conference room off the office to talk about the youngest. Dr Benjamin tells me how Elena leads with four other girls ganging up on this one new girl in class, Anna Lisa. The punishment has been soft up to now, but that was going o change. I tell her that whatever is the worst punishment for Elena needs to be the first punishment for her. She needs to understand that bullying is not tolerated by anybody. I don't want to hear my child is picking on anyone. In school I was teased in school and I will never allow my child to treat anyone like that.
  It was now twenty after three and he girls got out of school at 3:35, I waited. I asked the office have Elena meet me at the office before she went to bowling. When the bell rings I expect Elena to show up, I wait and I wait, Finally Nastia shows up and asks me why I am here. I tell her I am waiting for her sister and why did she bring a knife to school. She gives me that 'I don't understand what you are talking about' look that sets me off and I start in om her about how she was told not to bring a knife to school and how she now no longer owns a knife because she bought it to school. She starts in about how she just wanted to show it to someone when her sister comes into view. I say now that you got me going it's your turn and I look at Elena. I tell her to follow me and to move don't walk slow, which is what she does anyway.
  I calm down with the walk to the car. In side I tell her that she is a bully and it has to stop. We talk about the time in camp where the kids were teasing her and she called them 'garbage head' and they were bullies. How did it make you feel. During our talk Nastia keeps calling and I hang up not wanting to talk to her. It seems she alway needs to get into the middle of things with unimportant questions or problems. I take Elena to bowling. Teri and I talk about all of this and Elena loses her computer, her phone, her ipad and the x box for one week with promises of more if she doesn't stop.
  Take my kids, please.

55 inches all winter, so far...

  We have about five official weeks of winter left. There is an historic drought in California and we here in New York are at about 55 inches of snow, just short of the most ever recorded, in 1994-5.

  I remember 1994-5 only because the News predicted we would get three feet of snow. We lived in Nyack, on a small lot. I went out to Locks Hardware in Valley Cottage, just off the corner of Kings Highway and Lake Rd. there is a small shopping mall there now and bought a snow blower at the inflated price of $1,300.00 I justified it by the three feet of snow we were going to get and we did get it, big time. The drifts were up to the porch in the front of the house. This brand new horse of a snow blower made short work of the drifts, the driveway and sidewalk. Then I went around doing a number of neighbors sidewalks. That is where the expression came from, 'are you out blowing the neighborhood again?' .After all of that I walked the snow blower down the street to Catherine St. and Teri's parents house doing the sidewalk as I went. The Snow blower is still the one I have twenty years later.
 

The latest storm was predicted before we had the one that was coming in a day or two. On Saturday or Sunday February 8th or 9th the weather forecasters were talking about a storm that eventually fizzled out to nothing and they said there were several storms behind it. This was the first behind that storm. School was cancelled early on Wednesday for Thursday. Friday school was cancelled early on Thursday, giving the girls off for midwinter recess eleven days. 

They will make it up during Easter week. The snow storm started in the middle of the night. I got up around 2am and there was just a dusting on the roads and it looked like this one was going to fizzle too. It picked up in intensity mid-morning and kept going, changing over to rain mid-afternoon then it stopped long enough to clear the driveway, then it started back up dropping a few more inches on top of what was there. The fun of this storm was the ice that was under the snow. It made it impossible to clear larger areas then before the storm. As You can see from the pictures and the video the girls were lots of help clearing the driveway and clearing the snow off cars.

  My Birthday was about two and a half weeks ago. My daughters got me a card with their mother's blessing. I love it.

Quitting

When we first got the Girls to America, I was afraid they would not get to do things. I don't mean things like going to the Bronx Zoo or going to the beach. I was afraid they would not join in and become part of their school. I never joined any clubs or became part of a team. I didn't exist in school.
  The first month Nastia was at the middle school I talked to her about joining things and I thought she was afraid, like I was and would not join anything. I told her to look on the bulletin boards to find out when clubs and sports would start and where. She then asked, what was a bulletin board.

Maggiano's at the River Side Sq. Mall

   I remember the day she came home and said she wanted to join the volleyball team. Before I even knew the words had left my mouth I had said she was too small to join. Me, the guy who kept telling them not to let anything stop them from being what they want to be in this world. I might of even said it twice. I was happy that she still tried out for volleyball. I admire them both for all the hard work they put in trying to learn all the things they have never experienced before.
  As it turns out I didn't have to worry about the Girls missing out on activities through the school. Volleyball was just the start. That year Elena joined the play Annie and it was the first time I witnessed her not trying. She was late joining the play and she would sit around talking to friends as if nothing important was going on. She did Karate with her sister to that year I think. She wanted to quit before the term she agreed to was over, we would not let her. She went to every class required, but quit trying a long time before it ended.

Snow storm just after this posting

  When they joined wrestling last year, she spent the whole time fooling around and talking. She never paid attention to the coach and she came within a few seconds of winning her final match.
  This year Nastia wanted to join bowling. I asked her sister if she wanted to go to. Nastia got all upset saying she wanted this to be her thing to do by herself. I could understand, but her sister had been asked and said yes and she had agreed not to fool around and be a distraction.
  Elena started the season the better bowler. Somewhere by the end of September she would just go up and chuck the ball down the lane. Not waiting for her ball, she would grab another one and as soon as the pins were set the ball would fly. She would turn around and walk away without looking.
  About a month ago she texts me from the bus home that she forgot it was bowling day and was headed home. Right away I knew what it was. I ordered her off the bus and on to the bus for bowling. She was smarter then that. Her didn't call until the bus had left the school. She then got the next two weeks off for Christmas vacation.
    In the middle of the today, I remember it is bowling Monday. Thinking they will forget I text them both. Of  course Elena replies to my text during school, which is not allowed saying OK, then she asks when can she quit bowling like she did Karate. I begin to write her back, then stop. This requires a face to face talk.
   At the bowling alley I call her over and we sit down in two chairs away from everyone else. I am unhappy she wants to quit bowling. Not because I enjoy bowling, but again she wants to quit something. I try to explain to her how if she is quitting things now life only gets tougher and she will not be able to quit things when she gets older. I told her if in the future she wants to have a baby and after to years the baby is not so much fun she can't just throw up her arms and say I quit. She has to finish things she starts and if in the future she is tired of her job and wants to quit, well then she doesn't get to eat.
  I told her she should take some pride in doing the best job she can and maybe that would make it a little easier to do. Work at it and maybe you might even get better at it.
   She is so much like me, I hate talking to myself.

Christmas Memories past and present

There is this cookie called a chocolate pinwheel. You need to find a cookie book from the nineteen-sixties called Betty Crocker Cooky book. In it are loads of cookie recipes. There is even a cookie that is just butter and chocolate. You take graham cracker crumbs top them with butter and chocolate. No wander there is an obesity crisis. I made it once, it was wonderful. In this cookie book is a recipe called Chocolate Pin wheels.

 It has nothing to do with Christmas, the three wise men didn't eat them as they crossed the dessert, and god didn't send them to the Israelites as they wandered through the dessert. But, I only make them at Christmas and only eat them before Christmas. Some how they have become my Christmas Cookie. I remember my mom making them during the holidays along with several other cookies with longer memories and others with better tastes. I love Chocolate Chip cookies better. I remember making roll out cookies when younger and I have eaten cookie press cookies for ever.
   The Classic Cooky Book by Betty Crocker was first printed in the early nineteen-sixties. On the inside cover my mom wrote the recipe for the roll out cookies that we would make for the first decade of our lives. The cookie press cookies were from the cookie press how to pamphlet.
  There is nothing better about these cookies then other cookies. It is just the memories that come flooding back as you make them. I can remember making cookies, all four of us, yes four kids, all self absorbed in their own lives and wanting to make cookies while their mother tried to keep all of us happy. And yes she did. The roll out cookies were simple. We were each given a blob of dough and some flour and cookie cutters, and oh yes, an empty cookies sheet. You would roll out the dough and use the cookie cutters to shape you treasures. They would be moved to the cookie sheet and lightly brushed with whipped egg white. Then some sprinkles and into the oven they would go. Seven minutes or so later out would come these paper thin or not delicious cookies that you had made.

Christmas trees and stars, rolled too thick become the delicious cookie blob

   Growing up my mom never did this with her family and just like reading to us at night when we were young, no one knows where these ideas came from. they have become family traditions, at least with me or at least I have tried to...
   This is where all that back story above becomes relevant. Yesterday, was Sunday. I had a list of things I wanted to do. Work on the attic, plaster the hall wall, add heat to Amanda's room and I also wanted to make memories with my daughters.
  Saturday, all day Elena and mostly Nastia spent the day playing on x-box live. I don't like them doing that, but I let them. I started making cookies around noon. I called Elena to make some roll out cookie dough. After she was done, we put it in the refrigerator to cool until I could find the cookie cutters. Next Nastia and I make roll out cookie dough and put it in the refrigerator to cool until I found the cookie cutters. I never found them, I must of given them back to my mom. I thought I had bought a box of them and that was why I gave them back. I must of given them back before the girls were even a thought figuring that I would never have a use for them. And I guess I never bought the cookie cutters for the same reason.

Elena being good for Christmas!!

  I searched the house top to bottom and never found them. I went on to other cookies and the girls went back to x-box and an afternoon of memories that I wanted never got too far off the ground.
  I want so much for our girls and there is not enough time to do it. I want memories of us doing things. I want them to remember the time I told them, as I rush up stairs that I heard Santa Claus and they better get to bed and the time I told them about the time I fell asleep in my chair in Nyack on Christmas eve and woke up to find Santa Claus in our house putting present under the tree. What I'm afraid of is they will remember all the times I yelled at them like a manic and said things that I didn't mean. The time is so short before they are completely out of our world and are more interested in their boyfriends and going out to Christmas parties and doing things with their friends then their parents.
   The cookie dough the girls made the other day, Teri insisted in making cookies tonight. Nastia helped, Elena wasn't interested. She watched TV. It is already starting to happen with her.
  It was fun sorta to make cookies. Teri started with Nastia, without me. I walk in and she is using two sheets of wax paper and a rolling pin to smooth the dough. It was a good idea except the dough would of stuck to the cookie cutters. I grabbed a corner of the dough, it was very sticky and I kept adding flour and the cutters would stick and Teri would offer a string of ideas and I'm thinking why is this dough sticking, it was never like this when I was a kid. So I kept adding more and more flour. Teri and Nastia started making the cookies thick and for some reason I knew you should not do that, but could not remember why. So I started making them thick too. It was easier and it worked. When them came out we had created the cookie blob and it was going to take over the world.

Christmas Houses 2013

My Mom started this tradition just a few years ago. This is another of those when we were young stories. When we were young my mom used to bake cookies with us. She would make roll out cookies that we would use cookie cutters then spread some egg white on and add sprinkles. There were also the cookie press ones. You would fill the cookie press, put in a shape, a camel, a Christmas tree, a reindeer and so on and out would come cookies shaped like it. Then the egg white and sprinkles.
  This all ended when a large group of people got together and tried to bake cookies. I thought it went well, my mom was not pleased.

  She came up with the idea of decorating cookie houses. I was not a big fan, it seemed like a lot of work for her and I didn't think people would go for it. I was wrong, it has become a big hit. This year their were twenty-five people at my mom's. Plus she did for the Rockland Center for the Arts about twelve and she gave six spare houses to her neighbor Greg, who will invite five of his sons friends over to do houses. And she had a small gathering of her friends over for some Adult house decorating.
   It Snowed the day before we were to do the houses and the roads got sloppy, but seemed to clear by the time we were to do houses. I thought people might stay away, they did not. Some arrived a little late and some, like Elena's friend Jessica arrived very late. Everyone grabbed a house. The variety this year was beyond all previous years.

Teri got to do an apartment house. The Girls got regular houses to do. Elena wanted a new house because corners of the roof kept breaking off. Both Girls did some nice houses.
   About two in the afternoon we ordered six pizzas and after clean up we all went home around six that night. And of course we were hungry before eight and made snacks before bed.  Lots of fun.

Christmas blues

I knew it was going to happen. I have felt it in my bones for years and it finally happened this past Sunday. The death of my Father's Christmas ornament. I don't know how old it was or even the history around it. I supplied that in my imagination when my mother gave it to me about a dozen years ago.

  The mythology I invented went something like this. It was bought by my grandfather in the nineteen-twenties, when he was happy with his wife and didn't drink too much. He had a job and life was pretty good.
   Or maybe it was an ornament off the tree at Uncle Willie's house, where my Dad stayed for a while during the depression and he took this box of ornaments from his house after his Uncle died in the late fifties to remind him of if not a great man a good man who was the rock of his family, who was always there when he was needed by his parents or by his nieces or nephews.
  I remember the ornaments hanging on our trees during the nineteen-sixties.

They would hang with the cheap plastic ornaments that I now treasure, the ones filled with all the Christmas memories of growing up waiting for my dad to come back off the route to open presents. Or the time I stood in the doorway of my room at two in the morning while CBS played a Christmas Carol over and over on the TV, my Dad asleep in the chair. Or the time, I was very young, Bonanza was still on, it was a Christmas Sunday and had gone to bed, but couldn't sleep. I came out to my mother sitting on the floor cleaning up, her asking the usual "Why are You up?", me crawling into her lap and telling her I felt bad that her and Daddy got nothing for Christmas, Her saying that they got enough and it was OK.
  These are the memories that were in that ornament, which will now be in the ornaments like the bird that has been on every tree as far back as I can remember, as well as the cheap plastic nineteen-sixties ornaments that I now love.
  I even have a collection of Hallmark ornaments that have memories of when I first moved out of my parents house after my Dad died and I lived up in Stony Point. Every

Hallmark ornament that has to do with Mickey or I love Lucy or the Wizard of Oz is filled with memories of Teri and I, when we lived in Nyack and life seemed easier, a little simpler. We weren't so old back then.
  Christmas is filled with so many memories, some like the girls first Christmas were magical. I have a video of it.
  I guess I will get over the death of the ornament. I even took pictures of it in case it were to happen. When it did it was just like I thought it would happen. Someone was anxious to put up decorations on the tree and it's hook caught the one that was being picked up, it went up just high enough to clear the box, that was sitting on the floor. I heard it shatter and even before I looked,

 I knew what had happened. I didn't get mad, I kind of just sagged and went to get the broom. Teri ever the one to take care of bad situations cleaned it up and I just got lost. I was told several times how sorry they were and I know they were. It was an accident, sad but true and it could of happened at anytime. It was just it's time to die. Just as it wasn't it's time when Teri's cat toppled the tree in Nyack. It survived while several of Teri's ornaments didn't. Again it was just it's time, just like it will all be our time someday.

Thanksgiving 2013 through to Nastiafest edition fifteen

Thanksgiving this year was small, just six people. Eric and Lynn had just eight and there was a thought to combine the two, but it is nice to celebrate the holidays at home even though you have to clean up afterwards. We did agree to go over their house around six to have dessert. I hadn't made anything so we bought over a bottle of champagne.
   Teri and Nancy aimed for dinner at two. They bought it in a little late and right on Muller time. For all of you who don't know, Muller time is about an hour or so after the time you said it would happen. So a two O'clock dinner time would be right on the money at three, three-thirty. We finished eating a little after four, four -thirty. I did the same thing to Elena my parents did to us kids when we were young, I made her sit at the table and talk to other people after she finished eating. She was not pleased as I was never pleased. After a few minutes she started talking and I think she enjoyed herself.
   After Dinner we cleaned and about six we went over to Lynn and Eric's. The girls enjoy going over to see their cousins and see Grammy. The fact that Billy and Denis have the best game room they have ever seen doesn't hurt. They played x-box over x-box live and played with Ryan in Florida. They played for a couple of hours. A visit that was supposed to be short ended around nine-thirty.
  It was nice to have a day off in the middle of the week. Usually I would take Friday off too, but I am only with Cream-O-Land dairy for a little over six weeks after Consolidated went out of business.
  Nastiafest 2013 was a Tuesday and Teri left for work before seven. She kissed Nastia happy birthday and went to work. I got the girls up at their usual time for school, 7:30, wishing the birthday girl a good day. Nastia ever the pan-handler told several teachers it was her birthday and she told me later some gave her money. The bus driver, she said gave her five dollars.
   Teri and I made a special effort to get home early and the four of us with Nancy, Amanda and Grammy all went out to The Hard Wok to have Chinese food. We sat in one of the backrooms and ate and Nastia opened presents. It ended around eight-thirty. That was Tuesday.
   Over the weekend the girls were bored. I wanted them to go outside and do something besides play x-box on line all day. They hung around on the north lot, sat on the still unfinished tree house, all that fun stuff you do when your parents tell you to go outside and get some exercise. A few days earlier I had thrown some pumpkins from the garden that I had never gotten around to making pumpkin pies out of back into the garden. Once a pumpkin freezes it can't be used. I got a bright idea. I took a battery operated saw outside and grabbed the stick Elena was holding. Without saying a word I cut it to the length of a baseball bat. I looked at her and said "don't you remember what happens when you two have sticks in our hands?" For all of you who are guessing the first month we had the girls Elena hit Nastia with a big stick and Nastia needed several stiches.
  It was time for Pumpkin baseball. The brand new sport where they serve you up these big fat balls to hit, sorta, well there not real balls, there pumpkins a little larger then softballs. Elena got up first and got three swings, fouling off a few. Then Nastia got up and she did the same. At this point I tell them I will show you how to do it. On the first pitch from Elena, she serves up this big orange target, high and dead center over the plate. Thirty years ago I would of parked that in the neighbor yard after it bounced off their house or at least splattered it all over my children, here I foul tip it. I put my eyes back into my head and tell her to do that again. Well you can't go home again especially thirty years later. Everyone gets several tries until we are throwing chunks of pumpkin at the batter. Elena got ahold of one or two and splattered them. Nastia and I fouled off a few and maybe got a single or two when we connected it was a fun few minutes. When we were do I let them go inside and play x-box for the rest of the day. They had gotten their exercise.

It rained, but it didn't snow or Nor'easter

When I heard it was going to rain on Halloween 2013 I thought that it was not fair three years in a row bad weather. Teri pointed out that they are not made of sugar and would not melt, she was right they didn't.
   The night started after I got home from work. The girls were ready to go. I was waiting for their mother to get home. They asked if they could go local and I thought why not. They went to the corner to Luke's house, then they went over to Laurens house ( in the back to the right) then over to Ann and Bills (back to the left) all of this on the run, so much energy and joy. It made me feel sad that they had missed out on so much in their first years of their life. The more I watched them run from house to house with that joy for life that I remember once having, the more I wished they had been here for all of their lives.

Then I thought they could of never come here and experienced any of this. Then I came out of the romantic haze I was in and noticed they were criss-crossing the street and not looking for cars, so I started walking down the center of the street telling them to watch as they crossed the street until they heard me. By then Teri was home and it was time to go to North Broadway in Nyack. We were there a few years ago and it was like Halloween was, or was always supposed to be in the fog of my memories.

  We walked up Broadway doing the eastern side streets until we reached Castle Heights Ave in Upper Nyack, We then turned around and went back to the car. It was almost 9pm by then, we ate dinner at the West Gate Motel in the empty restaurant. Food was OK. We got home before 10pm and most everyone was in bed at a reasonable hour.
   I forgot We went to the Stony Point Haunted House the day before.
   It was off exit 14 on the Palisades near the Park in a garage run be four or five twenty something guys that put a lot of time and effort into it. The side yard of the house was a grave yard. We spent a few minutes in the grave yard while they got ready. There was no crowd, but people did wander in as we left.
   Elena lead, because she was not afraid. After a ghoul jumped out at her she handed the light and the lead to Nastia, who really didn't want it. The trip through the haunted house lasted only a few minutes was a lot of fun.

Halloween without a storm, what will we do!!

Last year their was the super storm, I think it was called Sandy which knocked down trees and flooded homes and some are still feeling it a year later. The year before there was snow on Halloween. This year they are predicting rain. The poor Girls haven't had a regular Halloween in three years and I think it rained on that one or at least rained when we went to the Nyack Halloween parade. Maybe that was the first year.
 

This past weekend we went to Vernon N.J. to a farm that had all kinds of things to do. The place was Hungry heart or something like that, I really don't remember. We got there about one-thirty. When we left the house I thought a jacket would be too much. I forgot Vernon N.J. is up in the hills enough that it is cooler and when the wind kicks up it can be cold even if it is nice back home which is what it was.
   The first thing we do when we get there is have something to eat. I wasn't hungry, but when I smelled the French fries and noticed the hot dogs, well ten dollars or so later I had a nice little lunch.

It was windy and the wind was cool that French fries that were to hot to eat at the beginning were cold by the end. They were still good. The brand was or-I-da frozen French fries, a good brand. We then went to get our tickets for the rest of the place. That included a haunted house, some kiddie rides, a game where you got to shot tennis balls from a giant sling shot into a net. There were some animals to look at like pigs and rabbits and Little chicks, and there was the corn maze. We stood through an introduction of what it was all about. The guy said it could take anywhere from a half hour to an hour. We went in with Elena being the navigator and having the map.

We went up a hill and around several bends and it got to wearing thin very quickly. We hit three of the, oh I don't know maybe six or eight stations when we stumble on the entrance. We decide to continue on. but a little while later it starts to get a little colder and it is after all almost four in the afternoon by now and we had not taken the hay ride. Nancy had noticed the green tape was the tape that was at the exit so when we found it we found our way out and we then went over to the hay ride.

It was a short bumpy ride to a field full of pumpkins you could buy, which we told the girls we couldn't. We really didn't want to spend the money. On the walk back to the tractor and the trailer Elena kept trying to get me to race her and I would say ready, set, go she would run and I wouldn't. The driver of the tractor saw this and invited her to ride up in the cab with him. I then invited Nastia to join her. They each got a chance to drive the tractor and it was the highlight of the day for them I think. I couldn't get a video (oh, how 20th century of me) of the girls because of the bumps in the road I tried but got nothing good.

  After that we went home and had dinner. The girls were hoping to go to a free haunted house in Stony Point but I was too tired to go. A Guy was handing out flyer's at the Nyack Halloween parade, which to me has become one of those traditions that you do only because you once did it and it was fun. You don't know why you do it now. I know You are dieing for me to explain.
 
The parade has become overly crowded. The Police don't keep the crowds from moving out onto the street. If You start the night by getting there over an hour early and setting up a front row seat, by parade time you are four rows back if you are lucky. Last year they handed out candy. A person put a piece of candy in Nastia's hand, a fat load of rolly polly s... of a girl about ten or so grabbed it out of her hand. It's not like it was this huge candy bar, it was what they call 'bite size', about as small as you can get and still be considered a piece of candy. It was so small that neither Teri or I could fight for it. Now I wish we had, because it is a year later and it galls to think we did not stand up for our daughter. At the time we figured the little monster had far worse problems then a sever lack of manors and most likely friends or parent who knew how to raise a child that is fit to wander off her leash. At this years parade we got there about ten minutes before it was supposed to start stood in an open spot, found Jim and Phyllis and talked to them until the parade started and then watched it from afar. The inventive costumes and great marching bands were few and far between. There was a Chinese dragon which with a little effort from the people manning it could of been fun. There were a few tall costumes on sticks which were fun and then there was the roller derby skaters I enjoyed. The best had to be the Trojan horse, all hand made it looked like. What was a big turn off were the large groups of people with little or no make up and costume on and the large breaks between sections. The parade needs to be smoother and better organized. Yes I could do it but everyone would be jealous of me...

I did have something to say when I sat down...

I had a purpose when I sat down here a little while ago. Then I started reading some of the past blogs I have written. I get great joy from it and always wish I'd written more. Sometimes the story I tell feels very human. I'm not patting myself on the back here for the fun of it. I do truly enjoy reading about the times we were in Russia and the trips we took and the frustrations of being a parent and it is reassuring that we all have survived, as I pray we all will through the current problems. We solve our problems, move on create new ones and look back on the old one like old friends.
  I remember as a kid the cold war, it was the east against the west and it was like that for as long as I'd been alive. Then the wall fell and East Germans were streaming over the border where you used to hear about people risking their life and some getting killed. Then the Soviet Union fell apart and the world was a magical new place where anything was possible in that moment. It must of felt like this after World War I and World War II and even after the Civil War. But then history started moving again and President Lincoln gets shot, the great depression happens and the cold war starts. The same thing with the Berlin wall coming down. There was no peace dividend. Suddenly we are in a war with religious extremist, inside and outside of the country. I won't rattle on about my views of these awful people.
   I have emptied my soul and uncovered the original reason for this blog. We received this e-mail recently

Dear CHAC Birobidjan Families:

 

Cradle of Hope is beginning to investigate the possibility of a Homeland Tour next summer for families with adopted children from Birobidjan.  Our first step is to assess how much interest there would be in a 7 – 10 day trip sometime in late June, likely right after school ends in the US.  We are expecting at least one parent to travel with their child on this trip.

 

We will meet in NY or Washington DC for a direct flight to Moscow. We will build in a day or two for sightseeing in Moscow on the way to Biro or on the way back to the US.  The group will spend three or four days in Biro for visits to children’s orphanages, sightseeing, and participation in humanitarian aid projects. 

 

Our very preliminary and rough estimate of the cost of the trip, including airfare, hotel accommodations, meals, ground transportation, sightseeing, translation services, and visas  is $5000 - $5500 per person.  Once we have an idea of the number of travelers, we will work on providing more concrete estimates.

 

If you are potentially interested in this trip, please respond to the questions below and return to me no later than October 10^th.

 

Names and ages of family members who would travel:  ________________________________________­­________________

 

What orphanage(s) was your child(ren) from:  ________________________________________________________________

 

Could your family offer any specialized skills for humanitarian projects--planting, carpentry, painting, music/art, medical aid, etc? (Specify):

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Could you travel:    June 21-28  _______       June 28-July 5  ________      Other Dates (Specify) ______________________

 

Does anyone in your family speak fluent Russian?  ____________________________________________________________

 

Please respond no later than October 10.  Thank you.

 

 

Patrice Gancie

Director

Bridge of Hope

As soon as I saw this forward from Teri I wanted to go. Affording it is another matter. We will give it the old College try as they used to say.
  I have always wanted to go back and bring the girls back to the place they spent the first part of their life. I just wonder if it will live up to their memories. My guess is it will seem smaller then they remember it and dirtier. Teri and I will say it hasn't changed or it is nicer then it was. Memories are a strange thing. I was even thinking about a side trip to Obluchia where Elena's grandmother* lives or lived. That one is the really scary one. What type of reception would her Americanized granddaughter get. Would we open up a can of worms and maybe really mess with Elena's head? Would Nastia feel left out not being related to her. Would we get hassled by her for the job we have done raising Elena or would she just hit us up for money? Could be maybe she would not want to see us because she was so poor she could not afford to keep her granddaughter? We always make new problems to replace the ones we have solved. *10/11/2023) Back when this was written, I thought when Elena talked about her grandmother, the women was not Nastia's too. After reading paperwork about the early years of their life the reason Elena calls her, her grandmother is Nastia was put in a type of foster care while her and Elena's mother tried to bond with her new daughter at their grandmother's home. There was a hope after a few months Nastia would rejoin the other two. It didn't work out and Elena was eventually sent to the same home Nastia was in. Nastia used to talk about how she spent time seperated from her sister.

Your'e No Fun!!

I received a text from my wife the other day. She said she was going to take the girls to the park to go bike riding. I get another message that the girls had been to the house across the street that has been empty for most of the year. What troubles me the most is Nastia wanted to go over. The older one should of known better. When Elena says no, Nastia then says "Your No fun" So she goes with her sister. I can see when she is older someone offering her the new version of Ecstasy called Molly and when she turns it down they go and say "Your no fun" and she takes it and it kills her. I don't know how parents ever do this job. You never stop worrying. The worries just change as they get older. They go out into the world thinking that they are indestructible or it is someone else that will be the one to die or they just block it out of their mind and don't think about it.

Another School year has started

Well, School year 2013-14 has been going on for almost two weeks now. School has finally gotten to be easier, more of a routine. The Girls know what is expected of them and I am better at keeping my temper. Elena was told if she did twos and threes on her circle sheet we would go see Walking with Dinosaurs when it comes out this winter. She started off good, she then had a bad day where she didn't hand in some homework she said she did and she fell asleep in class or something like that. She got two zeros and two ones. No one said anything and the next day after going to bed early she bounced back with all threes.
   Nastia seems to be doing well also. She is still getting help with her homework, but she is to bring two of them home so she can start getting used to doing them on her own. There will come a day when she is on her own as far as school work goes. I think I can manage to keep her in the small classes next year because she is going to High School and I can use the change as a reason. After that I don't know.
   They both are involved in sports again this year. They both started doing Tennis. Nastia found out there was a lot of running in it and switched to intermural Ping-Pong twice a week. Elena is sticking with it and seems to have made the team. I don't know if she is that good or it is just everyone who comes to practice gets on the team. She has never played tennis before this year. I hope they both have lots of fun doing this because there is not late bus for sports. Tell me does it make sense to have a late bus that leaves before sports end so parent have to scramble to pick up their kids at five? Schools are like the government. You look and just shake your head and wonder how they get away with it, continue looking at it and it starts to give you a headache. Become employed by them and it all becomes clear.
  

Wild, wild, wildwood beach...*

*Bobby Rydel, The school in the musical 'Grease' was named after him. Learn something new every day.

Went to the beach Wednesday, Thursday and came home Friday. We went to Wildwood. I haven't been there since the early 1980's and we went to the Crest then. The family section with their hotels on the beach looking like Miami beach.

After the rain from our room

   Wildwood, I  guess is the older, more usual Jersey shore that you would see if you went to Seaside or Point Pleasant. It has the Boardwalk, where the crest I think didn't. It has its old hotels mixed in with houses and converted houses to hotels. We stayed in an old hotel, that had seen it's better days. The decor was from the nineteen-sixties or seventies. Which was the last time the neon sign was painted. It most likely hasn't been working in a few decades either. The carpet going up the stairs was worn and the rooms smelled. If we went for a nicer place we might of not been able to go. We are a little stretched from last years adoption attempt.
We left on time or close to it on Thursday, stopped for lunch at a rest stop south of exit 126 where Teri and I had a little argument. I have had time to think about this incident and I have a better view of it now then I did when it happened almost two weeks ago.

Our Wildwood Beach Camp site

  We hit the rest stop and everyone went to the bathroom and I got out quicker then the girls so I got on line at the Burger King, about eight people behind Nancy. I saw Teri come out of the crowd and I could see she wasn't happy. This is were it gets, oh I don't know, guess we have a difference of opinion over how things go. I lived for many years alone so I do things on my own. I figured out of the bathroom, get on line and get food and eat and go. No waste of time. When I see her I  get off of the line because I know she has a problem with something I did. She was concerned when I wasn't waiting in front of the bathrooms. She thought something could of happened to me and was concerned. It was one of those fights that just seem to jump out of nowhere and bit you and leave you wondering how it happened.
   We get down to the Hotel around four in the afternoon. We load the cart with all our beach junk

and head to the beach. The Beach at Wildwood must be a quarter of a mile wide from boardwalk to water. It is flat from the water to as far as I could see in the west. If last years hurricane had hit it would of flooded in land for a few miles. The tide goes in and out so far that the life guard has to move his stand several times a day. Maybe all of them do. You could be sitting at waters edge in the morning and by late afternoon it could be a walk to the water. I watched the girls go what I thought was real far out in the water then stand up and be now more then waist deep. It rained on the Friday and hard, but only a few minutes, the roads were flooded out. By after dinner it was mostly gone.
   For Dinner the first night we went to an Italian restaurant the food was good. The second night I said lets go to a place in Wildwood Crest that sounded good, but instead we walked to a buffet restaurant that was pretty good to.

   Except for the rain on Thursday night for about twenty minutes the weather was great. We went to the beach on Friday stayed until about two three in the afternoon. We grabbed something to eat at McDonalds and went home. Before we did that the girls got Fiddler Crabs for twenty dollars each. I didn't want them to but gave in when Elena's attitude improved on Thursday. They played with them, took them everywhere for a day or two and now almost two weeks later I haven't seem them or even thought of them in about ten days. I hope they are OK.
   It was another fun trip to the beach. Now if Teri and I could only avoid the fight we seem to have at the start of every trip.

Oh, Baby what I have to look foward to

I have always felt that when it was time for the girls to start dating, somewhere around their sixteenth birthday, I hope, the attention of boys would not bother me. The problem is I remember being a boy around that age and their was a lot that went on that I felt parents didn't know about and shouldn't.
I don't know if I can deal with that. I'm not sure I can deal with boy being interested in our girls.

   When they had 'boyfriends' before it was childish and silly. Now it is starting to be serious to me. I don't know how they feel. To me every boy is only safe if he is a eunuch. And only if he stays ten feet away from her. I know I am not the first or the last to go through this, but I have only been a parent for four years and I was just getting the hang of it and now all the rules are changing again. If we all live through the next about twelve years and I know they will be safe out in the real world then I can relax a little.
   Nastia and Elena went bike riding and that jerk with the guitar and the amp was there again. Really what guy brings a guitar to a park? A guy looking for girls! Right, and Nastia the next slow hand (yes all you non-baby boomers are going to have to look that one up, I'm pissed.)  is attracted to him like he was covered in it and she's a fly. The first time he was there he said she could play his guitar, she must of asked, she always does. Doesn't matter how many times we say not to, she does. Today she sends Elena who says they are going to talk to some of Elena's friends. I was trying to be a more reasonable father so I gave some vague answer and she ran off all happy telling Nastia it was all right to do it. I didn't like it, but I felt they were safe.

  The incident that caused me to let them hang out with Cool Hand Luke ( ya, no musical reference, it just sounds good. For all you scratching your heads it's a Paul Newman southern jail movie with the famous line "We have a failure to communicate here" or something like that. Great movie with George Kennedy. The warden who said the line great character actor, forgot his name.) happened when they were walking to the park and two boys walked with them for a short while, I was a block back. Nastia let one of them jump her bike, get it up in the air. By the time I got there they were gone. I didn't like from the time they all started walking together. And I didn't like him riding her bike. But I realized how much of I jerk I was being so, I said nothing and I let them hang out with Guitar Hero. That's the one I like best.

Elenapalozza 2013 or how to get two home runs at miniture golf.

Elena's birthday was yesterday. She turned thirteen, though she has been acting like a teenager for months now. Originally Teri was to work and so we scheduled everything around it. Then the person running the show changes everything and it was put off for at least a week.

   We put the Dinosaur park off until next week. We had planned to have Jessica, her friend for a sleep over, that was still on and Teri had a plan to go out to dinner where she wanted and to go to miniature golf. We started at the Monster Miniature golf in Nanuet. There were five of us, which seemed too many if you tried to keep it organized and keep score. At the half way point I gave up and only kept Teri and My score, letting the three girls go on ahead and do what they wanted to do. After a little while I quite doing Teri's score and just kept mine. Things moved along quickly and Elena came over to me twice to tell me she got a home run. I was laughing and didn't bother asking what she meant. Everyone seemed to have fun and it was over in less then an hour. Elena was complaining about not getting a chance to play the arcade games at Monster miniature golf,

Field Station Dinosaur a week later

   We went to Nanuet Restaurant for pizza and I got beer which made it like it was my birthday. We ordered three pizzas, because Nanuet Restaurant's pizzas are a little smaller then a regular large. We had a good time we stayed for about an hour and then someone said can we go for ice cream? It was left up to me and for some reason I said yes. We went over to King Kone in Pearl River. Nastia got a ton of napkins and some ice cream to go with that. She can be so messy sometimes. Elena got a cone and so did Jessica. We ate too much, had some fun I drank beer. Elena got presents and Elenapalozza ended with a sleepover and me feeling like I ate enough for two days.

  Day two of Elenapalozza was a more muted affair, with chocolate chip pancakes and sausages for breakfast and about two or so chips, dips and cake. It is six in the evening and the house is back to normal. Teri and I brace for another lousy week at work and the girls look forward to three weeks of boredom until school. Life is good.

What We got

This was written in the spring. I forgot I wrote it.
Teri works very hard and she brings home 60% of what we live on.
   Today the girls invited over a friend from school. I heard this later, but when she looked out the backdoor and saw the pool and the trampoline she went wow.
   It makes me feel sad and not very gracious. I and sometimes Teri look at where we live and say where does all the money go? Why can't we afford to fix up this house. I want a wrap around porch, I want a bathroom on the first floor and it has to have a heated floor and those little shower jets and all this other crap and this is not right. Then someone comes over and goes wow,,,and you start to think what is wrong with me. Have I forgotten to look at the trees because of the forest? You grow up to do better then your parents did. My Mom started working after we all had finished grade school. Teri and I both work at jobs that I feel pay pretty well, I guess not well enough if I think its not good enough. I feel lucky to have the job I do and get the salary I do. There are people out there now who can't find jobs and I just left I job and went to another because my boss was driving me crazy. I got a raise too and I'm very happy. I don't want to make this a big pitty party for me, it's just when people come over your house and go wow it's, hell I've been there. Since we adopted the girls we have moved in some heady circles and the people have all been real nice. I guess I just never felt we had a wow house. We do have a wow story to tell.

Over Protective Papa

From two Sundays ago

I got home early today. The Girls had ESL, which ended around noon and Elena lately said she was bored, so I took them bike riding down at Conger's Lake. We walked the bikes down to the entrance near the pizza parlor, they got on their bikes and rode them until they got to the parking lot in Valley Cottage end of the park and they rode back, about a mile one way. They did it a second time. After that I noticed Nasta riding back and forth where I was. she said she was tired. I noticed the group of boys. One time I called her over and asked her if they were bothering her. She said no and I also asked if they were being respectful. Again she said yes. She rode past them several times. On the last time her and her sister together went towards Valley Cottage. The boys about five or so followed, so did I. I was walking quickly, as I walked I was thinking of what to say when I got there and nothing was happening. I went around a turn and up ahead their bikes were neatly parked along the side of the path. There was no sign of them or the boys. I saw one slip into a break in the bushes and heard voices. I thought I heard Elena say get your hands off me. Later Nasta said she never said that. She also said she never cursed at her sister when they bumped into each other near the boys, I heard that one and she said it never happened. She tells lies.


October 2008

   Some people were looking toward the bushes with concern on their faces.  I followed the boy into the brush getting myself all worked up. Without thinking what I was going to do I came on the group of them and quickly figured I needed to scare them good. SO in my mean bully voice I said " What the f..k is going on here". I got one or two to quickly explain what happened. When I heard what was going on and Nasta said it didn't happen that way. (Got a problem here with her and lies.) I put my hand up to the kid who was taking and said it was OK. I told him that as he met more girls he would meet more overly protective fathers like me. We left and I would not let the girls ride in that section of the park any more. The chain came off on one of their bikes, so I ran down the other end of the park concerned at what they had gotten into this time. That was my excuse to end the fun and we went home.
  I try to have an open relationship about sex with the girls. When we got home I asked both girls to come sit with me in the living room, they asked if they were in trouble and I said a little. I proceeded to explain why girls should not go into bushes with groups of boys. I used words like One would cover your mouth. Another would hold your arms one on each leg while the last one pulls off your clothes and has sex with you whether you want to or not. It's not all boys just some. They giggled from nerves, which is what they do. I want to protect them but not make them scared. It's a tough middle ground. They want to be trusted. Nasta asked when will she be allowed to go out with her friends alone? I said soon, not today or tomorrow, maybe not next week. She asks will it be before I'm fifteen? I said don't know , it will be when it feels right. We get one wrong in this area and I will never forgive myself.
   Walking away from the boys I look over at the two of them and say get used to that scene, you will see it again and again. Usually Nasta gives me the are you really going to do that look, and then says it. This time she didn't, maybe she liked the feeling of protection. I realize even more now how much they don't know. Are all girls that unknowing and innocent? Or do I just think that little of my sex? Over the years we have not been that honorable.

Parenting

Parenting was different in my parents houses from the way we were raised and from the way we now are attempting to raise our kids.
  My Dad was only involved in raising us in a major way while we were young. I don't know if Eric or Ruth remember him being that involved. He was raised by two parents until he was about nine. His Mom died from a miscarriage, I was told. His father was a raging alcoholic until the fifties when he gave it up. My Mom will tell you he was a sweet heart while she knew him. Others will disagree.

1963

   I remember my Dad coming into our room, Karl's and mine, the back bedroom on the right side, with his belt off swing it in a rage, even calling us little bastards. Once he nailed the window shut, when we had it open during the winter for a little fresh air. It stayed nailed shut until one day, months later the nail seemed a little loose and I took them out hoping he would not notice.
   My Mom was a hitter when we, Karl and I, were younger. I remember the day she sat me down on the lower bunk bed (All memoirs are subject to embellishment) after I had done something wrong and told me she was not going to hit anymore. It was the way she was raised and she wanted things to be different.
   My Mom was also raised by a raging alcoholic and she also lost her mom at an early age, about twelve, to TB. Her Aunt, her mom's sister invited her to New York for a trip and I don't know if she ever went back. She married at about nineteen and Karl was born shortly after.
   All of this back round leads up to the heart of this story, how I raise my kids. I say I because I have different opinions from Teri on how it is done. I sometimes think Teri would love to wrap them up in bubble wrap and let nothing happen to them. I on the other hand will say to them after they have fallen off their bike or something, walk it off. I have been told I sound uncaring. Just the opposite, I care very deeply, I just don't think the little things are big enough to get upset over, because they will happen. This is not a column to bash Teri. She was the one who saved her father's life at least twice and she is the one I'm counting on to do it for me.

1955

   I admire the way my brother Karl never curses in front of Kristen. I would of liked to have done that, notice the past tense. I get so wound up some times that I can't help it. And now my daughters are starting to curse in front of me. If I had cursed in front of my Dad, I would of gotten the back of his hand across my mouth, when I was younger I did get my mouth washed out with soap by my mom. Even now I rarely curse in front of my Mom. Some of it is respect, but most of it is up bringing.
   I admire the way my sister worked through the problems she had with her boys, to the point they are something to be very proud of. We grew up in an environment, and I'm not saying it was bad, it's just the way it was. If you got something and it broke, you fixed it. If you couldn't fix it, then you made due. I do it a lot of times now. I was given a radio about a dozen years ago by my Mother. I wanted a radio that got TV stations so I could listen to TV in the shower. Several years ago TV went digital, so that ended, but I kept the radio and listened to it while I showered, even after the tuner started going on it. For all of you 21st century types that is the thing you turned to get the stations. This radio was predigital. Anyway when it started to fade in and out a few years ago I made due.
I always admired the fact that none of my brothers or sister ever made due and I always thought that would be my biggest challenge raising kids. I was wrong, it was and is my temper. I thought I had put that monster to bed years ago, then one day out of the blue I am screaming at the top of my lungs at the girls. I know some of you have noticed, come on now raise those hands...Good, now that's better, doesn't it feel good to get it out and you see I do know you know and I am working on it and I am getting better. Every time I think I gotten over it I find myself screaming at them for something stupid. Even in that I am better. I will sometimes tell them it is stupid or I will go back later and tell them they did not deserve that. Sometimes I even tell them I'm in a bad mood don't push me.

   All my brothers and sister's kids are all well behaved and people to be proud of.
   Karl and Madeline di a wonderful job on Kristen. Eric and Lynn did fabulous jobs on their kids. And Ruth all by herself raised two gentlemen who will make fine men. I still don't know how my mother raised four kids and remained sane. She also manages to stay out of quarrels between us for better or worse.
   Considering the long road traveled, it is a miracle any of us ever had kids much less raised them well. Yes the jury is still out on my family. My Girls are doing well, is that inspite of me or ...?