We lost Athena on Tuesday.

On a May day in 2010, Teri says, “We have to get the girls a puppy.” What she meant was there was a white dog is western New Jersey she wanted. So we drove at least an hour to a pet adoption event Teri’d seen, in the paper or online, somewhere, I don’t remember where.

We’d had the girls about seven months by then and we had just Kodi as a pet. I don’t remember what town it was, only that it was in western New Jersey. Teri wanted the white dog and her name was Athena. Someone had decided to adopt her before we arrived. Teri was disappointed. We began looking at another dog. I think it was an all black version of Athena. The dog was beautiful, but Teri had her heart set on the ‘white one’. I took a picture of the black dog because we were going to adopt her. Just before we went forward with it the people looking at Athena backed out. Somehow we found out and we adopted her. I don’t often wonder what happened to that other dog. Not like Annya and Leonid, the two kids from Russia, who didn’t want to be adopted by us.

I have pictures of Athena walking in the grass outside the adoption center and in the car, in Teri’s arms. At that point it should have been obvious the dog was Teri;s and no one else's.

There was an incident, well to be truthful there were several incidents when Athena was young when she chewed on the expensive sofa Teri and I purchased in the early 2000’s when we thought we had money. I went ape-shit and yelled at her. I scared her pretty badly. She didn’t trust me for many years after that. I went out of my way in the last years of her life to make it up to her. She’d been cowed to staying on the couch by Mesha’s bullying and I realized how wrong I’d been to her and how now she was a prisoner in her own house because of Mesha.

Athena’s sins toward me were unintended. She is the reason my ah … well lets just say. I slept on one side of the bed, Teri on the other and Athena was between us for the last almost fourteen years. Bandi was June’s dog before she died. We got Bandi when Teri’s father decided he didn’t have the strength to take care of him. A few years later in 2014 Misha came along. In the beginning Misha and Athena were friendly. They play tug-a–war with a pull toy. I remember the day Athena stopped playing. All I saw was Athena dropping the pull toy. I didn’t know Athena and Misha had become rivals. Several fights happen over the year. Two bad ones come to mind. One of the early ones happened in the dining room and I wasn’t present for it. There seemed to be blood everywhere after it was over. The blood came from Misha having bitten her tongue in the fight. The second one, We’d put a shock collar on Misha. When they got into a fight, again I wasn’t home. I told Nastia to shock Misha to stop the fight. Misha associated the shock with Athena and bit her up worse than usual. Bandi died this past February of 2023. Misha and Athena seemed to get along better. Athena gained the courage to attempt to get off the couch to get water and to hang around Teri.

In the fall of 2023. Athena and the stairs to the second floor had quit being friends. Athena would battle going up the stairs. As the weather cooled, she became more reluctant. By the New Year, I was carrying her up the stairs. She was heavy. Her back was boney, her legs were sticks, but her belly was large and oddly solid. She had energy and often acted like a happy puppy, dancing in to the kitchen from outside or coming into the kitchen from the couch for her evening treat. On Tuesday around 4AM, Athena woke me up. She moved from facing the foot of the bed to the head of the bed. I don’t like her near the top of the bed because of the hair. She’s done this several times the last few months, so I pushed her away. Teri wakes up and says we should just let them out and she’ll stay down stairs because once she is awake, she can’t go back to bed. I bring Misha downstairs so there will not be any possibility of a fight between the two. This is the way it’s been done for years. I let Misha out. I hear Teri cry and run back to the stairs and ask her what is wrong. She says Athena can’t walk. If I’d had a chance to think I’d have thought, she’s just slipped and can’t get up. She’s old and it’s happened before. This time was different. I get up stairs and pick her up and stand her on her feet, but her legs can’t support her weight. I brought her downstairs, maybe outside then or a little later, I don’t remember. When she is outside she can almost stand. She pees and takes a crap. I carry her inside and put her on the couch. I want her to be in her safe spot. It’s 4 AM, we talk about what happened. I think she had a stroke. Her brow keeps moving and her eyes move like she is suspecting an attack and is on guard for it. Teri decides we can’t put her down in an emergency animal hospital. She wants Athena to be in the vets office we've gone to for 30+ years, so we wait.

The website says they open at 8 AM. I called at 8, again at 8:01 and 8:03, no answer. I leave a message during one of the calls. I say it looks like our dog has had a stroke and we will most likely have to put ehr down. Can I have the earliest appointment possible? The vet opens at 9 AM. I get a call shortly after 9 and the tech says we can have 2:15. I ask, can’t they do better? No, the vet says 2:15 is the best they can do. Around 2 in the afternoon my resolve has completely evaporated and I have to force myself to get going again. I carry Athena and put her in the back seat of the car while Teri distracts Misha, who never acts well when left alone. Teri sits with Athena in the back of the car as we take a slow ride down the street. At the vet's office I carry Athena in and I'm led to an examination room immediately, Teri parks the car. The vet says the eyes should be able to be cured. I wonder if that is a good idea. The vet says x-rays and blood work are needed first. The results are not good. Athena had a solid belly every night when I picked her up. I knew she had stick thin legs. The solid stomach was part of a tumor she had that has spread to her liver and brain. It would be best to put her down. The vet gives us some time with Athena. After that she is given a sedative and a few minutes later she goes to sleep. It’s never pleasant when you lose a pet this one is extra hard on Teri because she has lost her heart. There are many days before when she would call Athena, her heart, and what am I gonna do when I lose you. Everyone knows days like this are coming and we still adopt dogs. They kill us and we always come back for more. When Kodi died, I swore I never wanted to go through that again. Athena came alone several months after her death before I was ready and was still angry about Kodi dying. I took my anger out on her and then spent the last few years of her life trying to make it up to her. I’m not proud of that. She forgave me after a while as most dogs will do and eventually even began to almost trust me. How we treat dogs shows the world a window into our soul I believe. They will always forgive and believe in you and it’s up to us to earn that.