I didn't sign up for this

I don't know if it was a mistake, or if we shouldn't of done it at all, but we sat down with Leo..d and A..ya and someone who spoke Russian and had a long talk. We asked them if they were enjoying themselves and if there was any food that they would like us to cook. And a few other questions. They answered that they we're having fun and they would like to have some borst. We then asked them if there was anything they would like to do while here. A..ya smiled and said Mickey Mouse ,Leo..d snarled and she no longer wanted to go there.
   We also asked if they would like to come back and live here. I think A..ya would of said yes, Leo..d said he hasn't made up his mind and I'm concerned. He said they have family back in Russia. We asked Leo..d if he loved soccer because that was the reason we put him in soccer camp. He said he liked it and camp was too long. It makes me think He did not write that letter, Someone, like an official in one of the orphanages thought they were doing a good deed. It did get them over here, but it may have back fired and set in motion something that began on a lie and was taken to the next step with a good deed on our part and we put him in soccer camp where he is not happy, but will go. Does all this ruin the two of them staying in America or is this not a good fit or do we have to work harder?    I  don't like the way Leo..d controls A..ya. I think it is cute the way she takes care of him, but I don't see it in reverse. He is a taker, a sullen teenager. She has given him her camp bag and taken an older one, told everyone to be quiet when she thought he was a sleep, she came into the car and all happy, when she realized he was not, she got quiet, in general she has taken care of him. It reminds me of an abusive relationship, a bad marriage, what their family life might of been like, I'm worried. I'm worried about both of them and what he might do to the quality of life our other two daughters have now. He has already told them to shut up when he was unhappy over camp. If we continue with this and I'm having trouble imagining us doing it and not doing it. Can you just toss to souls to the curb like that when you see what might be, good and bad or do you fight and make it work. One of my favorite lines attributed to Mother Teresa. She said "God doesn't give you more then you can handle, I just wish he didn't think I could handle so much." or something like that. I see a lot of therapy in the future for them and they won't get it in Russia.
   If we go through with this and it goes wrong and I see a lot of ways it can. The one that comes up the most is an angry young man, who has trouble speaking English or has given up, turns to drinking, get violent and makes five people fearful. I have seen nothing in him to believe he has the ability to work hard and come out the other end a happy young man. I'm afraid he will connect up with the wrong people and in his angry and frustation get violent and I don't know. My wife says I can find a dark lining on a silver cloud and I can.
    Maybe they are the next reason God has chosen this path for my life, a life I didn't ask for or ever imagine. Maybe Leo..d is my project. I like my life now. The two girls are fun and it is busy.
   Adopting kids is like sex as a teenager. It's really exciting and fun in the beginning, but when it's over are you ready to take on the responsibility of more souls? I don't know, I just don't know. There is no way to answer that question. On top of it these souls are damaged. Damaged different then Nastia and Elena were and still are or we are. Is there enough fight left in the two of us to do this or have we taken on more then we can handle? It won't be easy. I had wanted to tell Leo..d that it would be a hard road if he was going to come here and he would get frustrated, but he would just have to double down and he would come out the other side one day a better person for it. I have always been proud of the fact that our children have been pretty close to normal, but with a Russian accent.
   I don't know how to end this. I guess I'll just stop writing... God help us.