Arrival

After Arrival
July 10, 2008
It has been a while since I wrote in this. During that time we worked getting the house in order. And last night you guys arrived. Your Mom and I (I figure it’s time to write it that way) were real up tight last night. We gathered up some plastic bags in case you got sick, a change of clothes and a gift, a white rabbit and a bear.
At 7:30 we set off. A quick trip to McDonald’s to get burgers and we got on the Thruway and off we went. We really didn’t know what to expect. We had been told many stories about how the children would act and we were also told they don’t all act that way.
We were told to expect a shy tired 'camper' who had just spent the better portion of their last two days taking their first plane trip and maybe their first car ride. They also might get car sick and if when you got them home don’t worry if they sleep for the next dozen hours or so.

Here is how it went down. And I have the video and pictures to prove it. At about 8:45 we are told that the campers have arrived. I get in place so I can get a good picture of you coming in. There were only four kids coming to this house. The first two came in quiet and tired and shy, just like expected. Next came in one of the hosts who said that our girls were outside still. I felt something might be wrong, like someone was getting sick or something. We start towards the door and to our right comes the sound of some banging on a piano. We turn and you two are pounding on this poor guy’s piano and he trying to get you to be gentle because he had just gotten it tuned. Next the two of you come over and put stickers from our picture on us and give each of us a hug. We move away from the Piano and toward the room where the boys are. I take some pictures. Elena discovers the camera and wants to take pictures. I put the strap on her wrist and she goes around taking pictures of everyone and everything. The both of you eat fruit nonstop. When you are not eating fruit, you are giving it to everyone. I get down facing Nastia at her level when she climbs on my back. I guess that was something you might have done with your birth father. She stays up there for a while and when I put her down Elena gets up and I walk around with her. This goes on for a while until the translators arrive and we want to show you our picture book. Both of your books will go back to Russia and I will try to make up a third one for us. We get out the book and we get about thirty seconds of your time and that was only because of the picture of the dogs.
The time gets on to about 11:00 and we decide it is time to try this on our own. We get you in the car with the help of others and you are told by the translator to keep your seat belts on. We get about a mile down the road and both of you are out of them, a few minutes after that you are out of them again. This time the translator shows up and tells you two to keep your seat belts on. We end up stopping about six times for seat belt discussions and we make one detour for Elena to make a bathroom break at McDonald’s in Ossining. We get you home about midnight and I have to go to bed to get up for work the next morning. I get ready for bed and go. Mama takes care of the two of you. You continue running around after every time we put you back to bed. It gets to be after 2 AM. I tried to let the two of you sleep in the bed with us and that lasted for about two minutes. Finally Mama puts her foot down and puts you both to bed and stands there until you two fall asleep around 2:30. At 6:30 you’re both up and I try to get a last couple of minutes of sleep to no avail. You guys ate breakfast of cereal with and without milk, Fruit and something else I don’t remember.
I leave while you two are being given a bath. About an hour later I call from the parking lot at McDonalds to see how things are. Mama answers the phone and then starts yelling nyet, nyet, nyet. I tell her not knowing if she is listening I’ll be there in ten minutes. When I get there the both of you are in the street wearing your underwear and a shirt. One of you are jumping rope while the other is holding the dog Mama is on the porch and she shrugs her shoulders and says in a voice full of frustration, “I can’t get them in.” I manage to get the two of you in and I help entertain the two of you until Sally comes over to help. This very smart women speaks broken English. There is nothing wrong with the way she speaks; it’s just the way she pronounces that makes it sound broken. She is off the boat Italian. She proceeds to teach you English, providing our first laugh of the day. She also gives you a bike which I’m sure you’ll ride many times while here. The three of us go to the bike shop down from the house, just past the traffic light neat the corner of 303 and Lake Rd. We get two helmets and put training wheels on the bike.
At home we try riding it in the street and in the backyard with little luck to show for it. We eat dinner in the kitchen having hot dogs and pickles as dinner. We then load you two into the Envoy and go to Uncle Eric’s to ride bikes. When we get there the two of you are asleep. We wake you and both are slow to get out until you realize what we are there for. Bike riding for a while, then some slides and an ice pop induced brain freeze late and your day is over. We get you home and you are so tired you put yourselves to bed.

July 11, 2008
We spent the day in a seminar about adoption and the two of you got to go swimming with everyone.

We were afraid you would miss us and get scared and want us to come and pick you up. Never happened.

July 13, 2008 the Weekend
Each day is getting a little better. Saturday we fed you fruit and yogurt and cookies and more fruit and more fruit. We, I had planned a trip to Fairlawn NJ to River Rd where there is a Russian Community and we, I figured we could walk around and you guys could talk to people in Russian, neither of you are afraid of talking to strangers. We plan to leave at 1:30 and didn’t leave until 3:30. Uncle Donald got a bogus ticket on the way there(No seatbelt, state troopers can be real asses) and the trip was long and Mama kept yelling at you guys and in my ear and poor Amanda was between the two of you , so by the time we got there we, I wanted to leave. You guys were awful, just like real kids in the store and the store owner was not like a real owner. You guys picked everything in the store you wanted and he let us give him what we, Mama didn’t want. We then went to Wallmart to get you guys swim suits and sneakers and it was a disaster. There was no foot sizer to find out what size your feet were, the isles were all a mess and there were no shoes of your size. You wanted shoes that lit up when you walked and there were none, you weren’t happy. Everyone was waiting at the pool to swim with you and by the time we made it everyone was gone. Mama went to change and feed the dogs and by the time she got back you two were out. Same with Uncle Donald and Aunt Nancy, So we went home and had dinner, fruit and hot dogs for you guys, pizza for us. You don’t like pizza.
Today Mama planned a dinner for Mema and Pop pop and she said it was a minor disaster. Food was good and we found out that Nastia likes salsa and Mexican and Elena might like it. Both of you love watermelon and you each had several slices and some honey dew and some yogurt and water and milk and… Nastia loves salsa on bananas at least she said she did and she ate it. Its 11:56 and I have to go to bed, first day at camp for you two and back to work full time for me and almost full time for
Teri. Cousin Billy left for Switzerland today to participate in a karate tournament.

July 15, 2008
It only took about an hour yesterday for the two of you to get kicked out of the town of Clarkstown camp. We should have expected the outcome but like all endeavors concerning the two of you we underestimated the situation.

It was raining and not the type of day for kids’ to be playing outside. The two of you get worked up in new environments and we blindly went in and dropped you off late. IF we had gotten there early it might have been different. Mama says it was more inexperienced kids’ babysitting two kids they weren’t prepared to handle. We were very upset over the incident. Why, you might ask and you would have a good point. I think we were starting to feel overwhelmed and feeling we had made a mistake that we were no longer the proper age to be first time parents. I’ve had my little brother lecture me on raising kids and even though long ago I realized he was a smart person and had a lot of good knowledge, this little talk he had with me still hurt. Anyway, we picked up two up and Mama missed another day of work and I missed half a day that I didn’t tell the boss about. In desperation before you were picked up by Mama I called Anna a women who I hope has the time to become part of your family and asked her to speak to the two of you and get you to act like you can and I have seen you act. She did, but it was too late. Mama drove you guys over to Tolstoy nursing home and she talked to the four of us giving Mama and me encouragement and telling the two of you that you were not acting properly. She then offered to come over on Tuesday and spend some time with the four of us and to talk to the two of you. Mama went home and I went to work. Later in the day Mama got you into a camp for gymnastics that the Bridge of Hope people knew about and said spoke Russian.
The Next day Aunt Nancy came over, Amanda was in summer school and Uncle Donald was working, and her and I brought you over to the camp and got you signed up. Right away you start the same antics. You found lollipops again just like in Clarkstown , but this time I stopped the two of you and with my permission the owners wife I think, a tall blond women who I thought would speak Russian to you scolded you in English saying no,no,no,no…and the two of you stopped. Next a small girl about your age or so who spoke Russian was told to take you into the back room and prepare you for class. Aunt Nancy and I watched for about twenty minutes and the two of you were great. You followed the instructor and I kept waiting for one of you to rush off and do something dangerous.
Later that night Anna (Aunt Anna?) came over and talked to you and we found out that you both read very well and Anastasia claims to remember nothing about her mother. I will pry further later. Anna and Galaxy Gym are looking to be God send and it may enable us to adopt you two and feel that we have not made a mistake. We are so concerned about your behavior that we are spending a thousand dollars to have you two tested. It will happen on the 23rd of the month. You will get to play for several hours and a doctor will watch and talk to you one at a time, what a country, what a racket. It’s 11:06, Mama is in your room watching Bambi with Elena, while Anastasia tries to sleep and you know what Anastasia will be up at 6:30 and Elena will still be sleeping at 7:00. I imagine this to be the future.

Mama’s letter to some friends:
Some of you have already heard the story but I figured you'd love to hear it again.
Now picture this… At ever
y workshop that Joe and I attended the message was clear, many of the children are not used to a lot of things that we take for granted. They will probably be shy, very quiet, and not want to communicate with us. They might be afraid of everything, even the telephone. The profiles we received on the girls both said they liked to sit quietly and do arts and crafts play games and read books. Our instructions were that instead of picking the children up at the airport which would be too distracting we were to meet them at a coordinators house in Westchester which would be a calm, quiet setting. There's two other families involved each one getting a little boy. We were all hanging out in the kitchen waiting anxiously. At about 9:00 PM the van holding the kids and the coordinators showed up. Two little boys walk in, so sweet, so innocent, so quiet, and so calm. They're introduced to their parents and proceed to sit down and look at a picture album each of the parents brought for them. At this point we got a little concerned and asked one of the coordinators if they forgot our girls. We were assured that they would be in shortly, so we continued to watch the front door. Then all of a sudden the door opened and there was a flash of light and another flash of light both of them taking off to a room on the right (it wasn't the kitchen!) They found a piano. One of the coordinators told them to come meet Mama and Papa, and the flashes of light come running into the room recognizing us immediately, jumping into our arms, onto our backs, trying to get onto our shoulders. Then they see the bird, try to grab it, then they see the fruit, then they see the toys, then they jump up into our arms again, then they see the cheese, then they put their hands in the dip, then they go for the bird again, then they crawl up Joe's back, then they're back at the piano again, then trying to go upstairs, then they're opening all the drawers in the kitchen, then they finally sit to look at the album. After about an hour of this it was time to leave. Now keep in mind most orphans from Russia are not familiar with cars. Ours are. They were fighting over who got to sit in the front seat. I won! Then we fight about the seat belts. Nobody wants to wear the shoulder strap. We get it on them and we start the trip home. Halfway down the driveway they have the shoulder strap of the seat belt behind them, so we pull over and put it around them. Then we get onto the road and they did it again. So we pull over again. This time one of the translators that was at the coordinators house pulled up alongside us and told them that they had to wear the seatbelt properly. That lasted until we got on the highway. We weren't on the highway 5 minutes and they had to go to the bathroom. (Yes I did make them go before we got in the car!) So we found McDonalds. They did what they had to do and we started the whole process again, from fighting about who sat in the front and seat belts (I won again). We got them home showed them the house and introduced them to the dogs. Got them ready for bed, it was after all after 11:00! Joe had to go to work the next day. They jumped on their beds, they jumped on our bed, they played with the TV, the lights, the ceiling fan controls, they ran upstairs, downstairs, in their room, in our room, jump on the beds again. I finally passed out at 2:30; I don't know what the hell they did after that.

They were up the next morning at 6:00 am. I gave them cereal for breakfast, a piece of fruit and milk. I had my coffee and considered hitting the wine but thought better of it. I figured I'd get them dressed and put them in front of the TV while I took my shower and got dressed myself. Well I got shirts on them, then they found the jump ropes and decided they were dressed enough, ran down the stairs unlocked the front door and ran down the front steps and proceeded to jump rope in their shirt and underwear, in the middle of the road. Let's just say they were better dressed than I was. Of course the front door didn't close properly and the dog decides to join the party. So here I am not properly dressed running after the dog, running after 2 girls and of course some guy from up the street decides to stop me and ask if I've seen his freaking Chihuahua!

Let's just say I was extremely frustrated!!! As I got them into the house the phone rings its Joe asking how everything was going. Through the sobs I was able to tell him. I call my girlfriend to get over to the house as soon as possible with her mother in law Florence, who speaks Russian. She tells me they'll be at the house as soon as possible. Joe gets home. Watches the girls so I can shower dress. As I'm debating on whether I should take the bottle of pain killers now or wait until later, there's a knock at the door. Joe's running to the door shouting with relief "Florence is here, Florence is here!" Well it wasn't, it was my girlfriends "off the boat" Italian mother bearing chocolate chip cookies. I had the freaking League of Nations in my living room!
Needless to say we finally made it through the day. Because they are escape artists we padlocked the three gates in our fence that surround the property, I can't get out, but the girls are very good about climbing fences.
They managed to get themselves kicked out of the town camp within an hour, but we found a gymnastics boot camp with some Russian speaking students and coaches. And we're finding ways to communicate with each other (I yell and they laugh)
All in all the first week has been an adventure!
Teri

July 20, 2008
It has been an interesting weekend. I must say I do create my own problems, back to the beginning. I don’t remember when or why, but I went out and made a contact with a Russian speaking person at Tolstoy Nursing Home. She promised to help out whenever necessary. On your first day of camp it was raining and you guys do not, at the time react well to being confined and to new situations. I have been told that you started before you got on the plane and continued all the way to 2:30 in the morning after we picked you two up.

Not stopping, well this camp was also run by a twenty two or so year olds that had a staff of teenagers, well intentioned but teenagers. Whose experience must have been babysitting the neighbors sleeping brat. You two were tossed in under an hour. The next day your mama has a new camp, a gymnastics camp, with councilors who speak Russian and will not take your crap. It works out very well. They make a request and we make changes, like instead of sugary drinks it’s now water. Ok, where does Anna fit into all this? When the two of you are tossed from camp mama and I are overly upset and I am trying to find a person to talk to you two because Florence, our interpreter is with her mother at the doctor and I go to Tolstoy and ask Ann to talk to the two of you. It’s too late so she says to bring the two of you by and she will talk to you. Before you two arrive or maybe it is at the introduction, I think it was the introduction, a guy named Scott asks if he can give my name and number to a women named Masha( pronounced Ma-Sha) who came over to America and didn’t speak a word of English and learned on her own and would love to help. We talk on the phone and I get the impression that she is a nervous person and she talks real fast and kind of rambles. I think maybe we can be friends. She calls three times in an hour and really wants to help. Anna had asked if it was ok to talk to you two about religion and we said yes we were curious about your religion and wanted to continue it. If we don’t this is the reason why. Anna said one of you was baptized and the other was unsure, but were Russian Orthodox and wanted to go to church. Mama and I made vague plans to go. Now along comes Masha and Elena’s walking on the porch roof. Saturday morning Mama and I are enjoying a quiet breakfast with the two of you upstairs and it was quiet, too quiet, so I go up and find Nastia trying to open the bathroom window and Elena outside on the porch. I freak and yell at Elena who runs over to Mama’s window in the bedroom and is inside. My heart is pounding, I feel like I almost lost one of you, a total over reaction.

I did the same type of stuff as a kid. It’s you just never think of falling off the roof until you do. I grab Elena and can’t get a hold of Luda (a friend from Consolidated Dairy days) I don’t think of Florence, but wait there is Masha and her number is on an e-mail. With Elena in my lap I call her and tell her what happened and ask her to tell you never to do it again. She talks to you and of course being just yelled at you doesn’t answer her except to say yes to her question about going to church. Where the hell that question came from I don’t know I didn't ask it and I didn’t care at that point. I wanted you off the porch roof. Elena hands me back the phone and in all her brilliance Masha says Elena is depressed and might be suicidal and needs to come to Church tomorrow so I can talk to her. Twenty minutes later after she informed me she might have to take action if we did not show up on Sunday and that she did not approve of Americans adopting Russian children. Even if you learn the language, perfectly, there is a cultural difference which you can never know about she spouts. She was more interested in Russian children being raised Russian then in having parents and being happy. If you never set foot in a Russian church it is her fault. Mama and I believe religion is important, any religion is as good as any other and we respect them all. We both just hate zealots, people who think there way is the only way. Too many wars have been fought over this and we will not indoctrinate two more into the cause. Respect others, but be careful of their motives. Masha had a program and she may have felt it was in your best interest, she just could not see that her methods were wrong and maybe even evil.

That was Saturday and on Sunday morning at 11:15 she called looking for us I hung up on her, she called back, I hung up she then called the home number which I never gave her, I hung it up before either of you got it. She called again and it went to the answer machine, where she proceeded to leave her threat to stop your adoption. She may have at one point had good intensions, but not in her message that morning. I then called the police and they said to call her and tell her to never call again and if she does call them, which I did. I told Masha, in a calm, clear voice to her answer machine, because she did not pick up to never call me again, to never call my house again to never talk to me, my wife or my kids. I would appreciate her respecting my wishes, thank you. I then hung up. And you though all the crazies lived only in your time and nothing happened before you knew about it.

After all that we went to the Bridge of Hope required picnic in Katonah, where we proceeded to tell everyone in the bridge of hope program about our very own psycho and got advice from Patrice (Runs the program, a good person with the best of intensions) on how to handle it and how she could help. I’m talking to Anna and Scott tomorrow and I hope that will end it all. I don’t think her threat of when she goes to Moscow in August, where she will do everything to stop your adoption will get very far. I hate to say this but you were available to any Russian first, we are last on the list and we can lose you if anyone, family member, another Russian whatever comes along so, unless she knows someone who wants to adopt a couple of terrors you’re ours.
Mama and I and the two of you did a good job at the picnic, everyone loved the two of you and talked about how you were a handful and wished us luck with the two of you. Mama and I were a little scared we would have some problems with the orphanage officials, I don’t really remember why.

July 21, 2008
Well, we got a good review from the orphanage director, she could see your Mama really loved the two of you and was impressed with the way the two of you behaved. I don’t think congratulations are really due us. The improvement in your behavior is due to just a little attention by two people who care.
I went to talk to Anna about Masha today and she was surprised that Scott had introduced us to her Anna described her as vicious. I felt she was overly nationalist. Either way Anna said she would talk to either Scott or Masha and hopefully put an end to all this stupidness.

The two of you were talking and it is late (9:50, bedtime is 8:30, yea right) and I just stopped writing to quiet the two of you down (really it was Elena, she never wants to go to sleep, Nastia goes to sleep when she is tired and usually gets herself up at 6:30) Elena said something I didn’t understand, but it didn’t matter she kept right on talking, waved me down and kissed me. As I left she blew me a kiss. Nastia said good night to me in English. You little buggers get under the skin quick.

July 23, 2008
We took the two of you to a Doctor today to have you tested to see what crap is going on in your heads. The results were not as bad as we felt they would be and we were happy. There is a good chance that one or both of you have ADD or ADHD. Both of you have poor eye sight and refuse to wear glasses. There is a problem with Nastia’s Thyroid gland causing several things, one being sensitivity to cold. There is a possibility of your birth mother drinking before your birth and both reports will be included in this. We went to lunch at an Italian restaurant where we found out Nastia likes spaghetti.

July 27, 2008

Yesterday we went to a friend of mines who speaks Russian. Her name is Lyuda. She lives in Princeton NJ, which is an hour and a half from here. The trip down in the mustang was pretty good until the end where the two of you got into a quick fist fight. We had a dinner with Lyuda and her husband. Afterwards we sat down and asked Nastia questions. Some of the answers were surprising, other were disturbing. We learned that

Nastia doesn’t remember her birth mother’s name, neither did Elena. Nastia described her father as a suit wearing man with brown hair and you had spent four years in the orphanage up to this time. Nastia called her mother a crazy drunk and said there was an older sister that works but we didn’t find out if she ever came by to visit. Nastia asked Lyuda’s husband if he was a drunk because he was drinking a beer. It was a nice time until the trip home. Up to this point I was not a believer in sugar and hyper activity, but the trip home changed all that. The two of you sang, talked giggled, screamed, everything imagined to the point that I pulled over and had my hand out to smack the crap out of the two of you. Mama stopped me. For the rest of the trip home I ignored the two of you. I was so furious that it continued into the next day as more of numbness. By the end of the day after some swimming in Uncle Eric’s pool and some dinner at the Hard Walk restaurant and some hugs and kisses from the two of you it began to lift. Then the realization you were leaving on Saturday has started to set in and both of us are not going to take it too well. The families are going to take it better, but not too well.

You have gotten under everyone’s skin and it’s not going away. WE are going to try to pay a lawyer here to talk to a lawyer there and pay the right official to get you back as soon as possible. We want you back by December 1st, but feel it is a long shot. We’ll see.

July 29, 2008
Well you got thrown out of camp yesterday. We took it better then when you got thrown out from the first camp. And today you got thrown out again. Both times for acting up and not listening to the leaders of your group and for biting and running around and for cursing and for running outside. When asked by Aunt Lyuda why Nastia said it was because you didn’t like the camp. Since we are down to the final few days Mama will work from home and you will not go to camp anymore. You will most likely go swimming for the final three days. Good for you a little rough on Mama.

August 01, 2008
Well, it’s finally here and the two of you are gone.

The day went more or less as planned, except you didn’t go swimming as we had hoped. It started to rain just as we left and kept going for a while. You would have only got to swim for a short while because we had planned a little lunch with the grandparents at noon at the pancake house where we found another person who spoke Russian. I’m amazed at how many there are in the area when you look for them. After lunch we went to liquidators to pick up luggage with wheels on the bottom so you would not have to carry the bags which seem to have gotten a lot heavier. We got over to Yorktown Heights about 3:10 they loaded you in the car about 3:45 and off you went. Everyone commented about how well you behaved today as if we had done something wonderful with the two of you and I can’t think of anything special we did except act like caring people toward two really wonderful kids who stole our hearts and who we dearly miss after they have been gone only three hours. The house is so quiet that I am going up stairs to check on Mama because I have no one else to check on.

Back to Yorktown Heights, we get out of the car and the others are there and we stand around talking and the two of you are horsing around just a little bit and I’m thinking that it will be a repeat of the first night we met you, but it wasn’t. The highlight was when Nastia climbed on rooftop of I think Liz’s Mercedes SUV and I pick you up and take you off and sat the two of you down that is when people were impressed with us. We watched you go down the driveway and waved at you the whole time. I’m going to treat this enforced absence like the two of you are at camp and will be back at the end of the summer.
Some stories I might have left out:

The first one is when Elena got a real kick out of giving Mama the finger and how it lead to them being closer